My world is right again...
Allie made it home from a weekend trip this afternoon. Dave and Blake made it in from the baseball tournament. As each one walked through the door of our home my sweet Ashley giggled, cheered, and celebrated their arrivals. At this moment they all lie sleeping soundly in their beds and I sit here in the dark knowing that its all ok.
I'm my best self when we are all together under this roof. I feel at peace with my world when the people who make up my world are home. Nothing feels better to me than being here with them. Nothing.
Tonight as I visited with Al she was also texting a friend of hers. We talked about the favorite game they were playing. She shared the category was favorite place to go..."What would you say mom? What do you think my favorite place to go should be?"
"Home, " I answered.
"huh, why home?"
" Because its my favorite place in this whole world to be. If I could go anywhere or be anywhere at any time in my life my pick would be home. Its where my favorite people are."
"Yup, I guess your right. Home is a good answer."
Its my "go to" place. Always has been. Since the day I married my best friend, had our babies, was gifted our baby gherkin, and spent too many days next to her in a hospital longing, fighting, and praying for it. Home is my favorite place to be. Especially when I can tiptoe into the rooms inside of it and find my very favorite people safely tucked into their beds.
I know we can do this. Broken central lines and all as long as we are doing it together.
I listened to my big kids each tell my little kid goodnight and I heard the words they shared and the giggles she responded with. My heart was so blessed, so full, so overwhelmed with all that is right in my world. I don't remember how to do this life without having them all here together. I think that's why I became so frightened and so paralyzed the other night. As I worked to steady my hands and keep my giggly little one still, I could literally see it all slipping away from us. I felt the devastation of leaving with her once again, and it took me to my knees. Seriously, this life of ours is held in place by a tiny piece of plastic and its ability to keep functioning?
At least in those tense moments thats all I could think of. I guess medically it is true...but...realistically its not held in place by that piece of plastic...its held in place by the very hands that created her. The hands that gave her life. The hands that placed her tiny life into ours.
And then...I was able to breathe again...and I've kept breathing for the last two days.