Touched

My heart has been touched. Each time I checked Ashley's journal this is what I found;


"I'm praying."

"Praying"

"We're praying for you and for Ash today."

"Praying today"

...and on and on and on. Your words brought great comfort to our hearts. I don't know if you have ever experienced what it feels like to know that hundreds of people are praying for you exactly when you need it, but I assure you there is nothing can compare to the peace it brings. Thank you for praying for our sweet Ashley today. She does have an infection. At this time we are watching it closely and will start a round of oral antibiotics to try and stop it from spreading. If she is not considerably better in 48 hours then we will begin IV antibiotics and try to stop it from going any further. There is not much that can be done for her discomfort. Tylenol is what we are using, but we are very careful with it because she is a liver patient. I don't see that it helps too much anyway. Her infection began to change shapes today. It now has some streaking that is spreading. We have drawn a mark around the shape of it so that we can measure how much it is changing. She is currently screaming and inconsolable. We haven't slept in the last two nights and it sounds as if she and I will be up again tonight. I promise I can hear her saying "Mom" as she screams. I think Dave heard it last night also, but neither of us said anything to each other. It sounds nothing like the sweet voice she used to use when she would say, "My mama". This one is sad and desperate. I know she wants me to fix it for her, but I can't. The best I can do is hold her, rock her, and tell her over and over again how very much I love her.

I know that Ash has been through much worse than a cellulitus infection in her life, but this is different. She is a little older now and her cry is more deliberate as she tries to tell me how much she hurts. I don't know why this is so tough? Maybe its because I have been so emotional over the past few days? Maybe she has sensed my sadness and it is effecting her as well? Whatever it is, I am ready for it all to pass. Just as her smile can melt my heart, her cry breaks it.

I just wanted to say thanks for praying for her today, and to let you know how much you have touched my heart. I know you are praying for us because I can feel it. Please be patient with me as I try and figure out how to share with you all that is in my heart. I really don't know how to do this anymore. I am frightened of saying the wrong things or of sharing who I am inside. I believe that I will get back to where I can openly share my heart with you as I tell you of Ashley's story each day, but right now I am still struggling. It just feels like I am doing it all wrong. Just know that I continue to pray about what is right and what is wrong and that I promise I'm not giving up. I owe Ash more than that.

Good night my friends and may God bless you. Trish