Rough day and night

Ash had a hard day.  It began with bleeding and at 2am it continues with bleeding. I don't know how to put into words the horror of what I feel. Just know that it is shaking me to my core to watch symptoms that I know without a doubt will lead to the end of my daughters life.

She spent most of today resting. This evening she did perk up a little and we took her out back and allowed her to put her feet in the pool. We then took her driving to see her rooster. She had a good evening.  Her daddy laid down with her for a while at bedtime and she went to sleep.  I thought she looked good when we went to bed. A few minutes ago she began throwing up again. It's a mixture of blood and bile. I don't know where the bleeding is coming from. I assume the esophagus or stomach. At this point it doesn't even matter.  We are going to try and get her some platelets today.  Her line needs to be unclothed but Dave and I feel it would be too dangerous with such low platelets. Hopefully he can figure something out this morning with our pediatrician.

I drove to Dallas tonight for Blake's games. Then after a rainout I decided to leave him with another player so he could be assured he would make it to the early game tomorrow. Problem being we hadn't packed him a thing since I had planned on driving back and forth. He is sleeping in his contacts tonight and I'm not sleeping because I'm so worried about him not being able to see for the game. I'm not thinking clearly obviously or I would have never had him stay overnight. I'll be driving back in the morning with a bag of uniforms and fresh contacts for him. I don't have a plan for the next 11 days but feel I need to be able to come home each night for ash.  Things are very hard right now. No one on his team or his coaches even know what is taking place. Baseball is different by this age. It's more than a game... It's kind of like his job. He's working everyday to be recruited and you don't go to your coaches with problems or excuses as to why you can't be at a game. I'm not sure that's understandable to anyone outside the world of baseball, but this isn't little league. I don't even know why I felt the need to explain. I just know I need to be in two places at the same time and I can't be.

Ash is sleeping again and I know I need to try and get some sleep too. It's going to be a long weekend.  I don't think we are losing Ashley Kate in the next few days but I do think that our time is much closer to running out than it was a week ago. The circumstances are changing and we are having some rough days and nights.  Neither Dave or I feel as though we will celebrate another birthday with our precious girl. She is weeks away from turning eight years old and I'm afraid she will be forever eight.  If we can get her there.  My heart hurts. Deeply.