Oh how I miss my sweet girls. Those beautiful eyes, smiles, faces. I miss them like crazy, but let me share how incredibly blessed I feel to have this time with my son. So, so blessed.

I love my son. I love everything about this young man. I could sit and talk with him about nothing special all day long and walk away with a smile on my heart knowing just exactly how special our conversation was. I treasure the time I'm given with my children. I know they are growing and changing each and every day and that each day that passes they are moving closer and closer toward adulthood.

Blake just came back from youth camp. I expected to hear story after story of all the fun and crazy things that took place. I expected him to talk my ear off. I just did. All of that has been fun to share with him. It really has, but the most amazing and unexpected thing touched his heart this past week and to listen to him share about it has blessed me more than words can tell. He has talked on and on about a mission project. A project across the world that captured his heart. He was so excited to share with me that at camp this week the kids gave of their own spending money $3000 dollars towards this project. Not only did his eyes sparkle with that piece of news ,but you should of seen them shine we he shared how high school kids are traveling there to work. I could see it brewing deep inside of him. The excitement in his eyes told me that he too would love to have that opportunity to do the same. What joy! I can hardly wait. I knew this child was amazing and I knew God had done an amazing work when creating him. I am so excited to watch as God works the details of Who He is into my son. I love this! Love, love, love this! Oh, that the Father would make a way to use my son in this very mission or perhaps another. So exciting.

Blake is not just my son. He is an amazing kid. A friend that I treasure and that I thank God for. How blessed I am in this life. Truly blessed.

Yesterday morning he leaned down to give two sleeping beauties a hug while they slept and I heard this young man whisper to his sisters, "I love you girls and I've missed you." One of them scrunched up her nose and rolled on over. The older of the two opened one eye and then smiled up at him. A moment that I will forever hold on to. These are the moments that make life so amazing. So truly amazing.

Have a blessed day. He and I are off to the first of many, many games this week. Take care my friends. Trish

...that our almost 4 year old girl laid her head on my shoulder today and whispered so quietly "my ma,ma,ma,mama". PRICELESS and as I lay here tonight trying to find sleep I can't keep my heart and my lips from smiling over the memory of that moment. She's in there. I know it. She has been all along and one day our sweet girl will talk to us using her voice right along with her hands. I really believe that she will.

She's been doing lots and lots of babbling this week and making lots and lots of sounds. Most of them are just really squeaky and uncoordinated, but to our ears they are more than beautiful. Truly more. I could sit and listen to the happiness that spills from inside of her and falls off her tongue every moment for the rest of my life and NEVER EVER grow tired of those sounds. I've listened to her silence for far too long and even though to some it may sound like not much of anything, to me it is nothing short of miraculous.

Yesterday she asked or rather signed to "stand up". Not once, not twice, but three times! I'm so very proud of this baby gherkin. So very proud.

Someday. Just hold on and keep praying. This girl is going to tell her story with her own voice while standing on her own two legs. I really think she is.

What a joy it is to be her mommy and to have this front row seat. Life is blessed. Goodnight. Trish

We are finally beginning to settle in a little. Things are finding their way out of boxes and the floors are beginning to find their way out from under the boxes. We such a long way to go, but with a freshly painted dining and family room I feel much better about things. The kitchen cabinets are next, but will have to wait another 10 days or so because Blake and I are heading out. Today!

Blake and I will be spending the next 10 days playing baseball in Tulsa, Ok and Dave and our girls are staying home. I still can't believe I'm going to do this, but I am. To have this time with my son is going to be absolutely priceless and I know we will make memories that my heart will hold on to long after he is grown and on his own. But...my girls...are staying here. Allison has art camp next week and if you know anything about my beautiful Allie then you know its a BIG deal and not something to be traded in for 100 degree temperatures and dusty ball fields. My Ashley? For the first time in her life I will be spending more than 36 hours away from this child. My heart can hardly conceive that I will not see her for over a week, but I know the temperatures and schedule would be way too hard on her. So she's staying home with her daddy and her nan and their going to make the best of it.

How is our Ashley? Wonderful doesn't even begin to describe this child. She is so much more than wonderful. What fun her daddy and I have with her! The smile on her lips and the twinkle in her eyes bring us such joy. "She's just SO happy". I hear this every day from Dave's lips. Its true. She is just so happy. Our little one is quickly approaching 4 years old and if I concentrate on that for too long I become so overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement that tears sting my eyes. What a celebration we are planning for this child! I'm so excited and there is SO much to do before that special day. I know it will all get done. Somehow it will. I just have to take this little 10 day jaunt to Oklahoma with Blake and then I will be back in full party planning, home remodeling, house unpacking mode. I promise I will.

As for the Internet? We STILL have none. Its 10 days late and they promised to come out tomorrow to get us connected. Not so sure its going to happen, but hopefully it will.

Two more hours until Blake arrives home from church camp and we load up to leave for the tournament. I've still got lists of things to accomplish, but wanted to swing into our office to let you guys know were still here and still settling in. Hope your summers are blessed. Talk to you soon.

We are still here! I can't believe we have survived all that has gone on in our "homes" the last week, but we made it and our last night in our little yellow house has come and gone forever. The night before closing I slept NONE. It was so frustrating to be so tired, but yet so emotional that sleep could not be found. At the closing I began to have a little panic attack. Tears, pounding heart, sick feeling all over, and no words could be said, but then after a few moments I settled down and we proceeded to sign over our home to a very, very sweet couple who will be celebrating their first anniversary in their new little yellow house Monday evening. Life is so crazy. Who would have thought that the last four years and all of the memories and longings for home would be wrapped up in that little house. I had no idea how much it really meant to me until we let it go. BUT...

now we are in our new home and its really quite fun. Ash loves it. Her nursery is four times the size of her little "closet nursery". I kept telling Dave how big her room seems to me and he reminded me "she lived in a closet!" Her little nursery space was the absolute sweetest and so I would forget it used to be Allie's walk in closet. In our new house Ash will have 2 huge rooms. Her nursery and her surprise make a wish room. So exciting.

When I say we are in our new home I guess thats not entirely correct. I mean we, as in the people, are here, but the furniture? Well...lets just say that when your floors are being completely re done the week you move in that you kind of have to deposit all things in the garage, and when thats full then you move to the patio, and then the drive way, and the yard, and anywhere else you can find to pile them. Then when you get an unexpected call that asks if your son would like to be a guest player for a scrimmage on Thursday night, then an out of town tournament THIS weekend, and a week long tournament next week, you have to do what you have to do. Guess where we've been since Thursday evening? Yep, the ballpark. Hence all of our new neighbors are wondering if we are ever going to move INTO the house instead of around it. Priorities, right? My kids are more important to me than a put togther house. I'll have time to get it done. I mean, afterall we are having a HUGE birthday party around here in just 4 weeks. I have no choice.

So the little break from blogging came unexpectedly, but it was necessary. On top of all the craziness of our life we received a pretty scary e mail after I shared about Ashley's first temper tantrum and I kind of froze after reading it. Didn't really know where the future of this blog was going. I have had some awful things said about us before and some really unkind words received in our message section, but this one scared me pretty bad. It took me a while to recover from it and then I just did. So who ever you are, go ahead and pray to whatever god you THINK is listening to you, but I know in my heart that the one true God knows our hearts and He's not into hurting us or our children. I know that to be the truth. You can't get to our son or our daughters and for that matter you can't get to me either. He's protecting us and thats what I believe.

So here I am. Still a little out of sorts. Ashley Kate is amazing. Looks amazing. Feels amazing. Ashley loves life and brings smiles to the hearts and faces of those around her every single day. She stood up for 3 five minute periods last week and we are all so encouraged and excited by her progress. Each time her therapist comes over she looks at her and signs the words "stand up" without shedding a tear! This is HUGE. Her sign skills have taken off like never before and she's actually began to babble sounds that resemble the word "momma" more than any of us can deny. God is doing amazing works in her little body and we are so blessed to have the opportunity to watch Him work.

Love you guys. Missed you and promise to be back in full swing just as soon as we can get there. Now I have to go find the shower curtain so we can all get up and get ready. Take care. Trish

Oh...My...Goodness!

Last night Ashley Kate met with a new therapist. The therapist was wonderful! As was Ashley Kate while relating to her. Dave and I are SO excited about this! We see so much potential just waiting to come out. She is fluent in ASL and taught us so much in just our initial session last night with Ash. She works with our physical therapist who happens to be the owner of Kids First Therapy here in Longview. Anyway, if you need the best PT in east Tx let me know and I'll hook you up.

But...thats, not what this story is about. This little post is about what happened at the end of our session with our sweet, sweet baby girl.

So, Ash spent much of the last half of her therapy session looking through and really enjoying the PECS book that was introduced last night. Remember me sharing about that a while back? The whole using pictures to communicate with others who may not know or be familiar with sign? Ashley LOVED the book that was brought. Problem being it was just an example of what is to come later. It wasn't hers to keep. Unfortunately for our sweet girl she's never played with anything that wasn't hers to keep, therefore, we have never taken something from her and told her that "no, she can't play with it anymore." Do you see where I'm headed? It was the funniest yet saddest thing I've ever seen happen. Honestly, it was all I could do not to laugh hysterically at my daughter's tantrum, but I needed to behave as an adult and as a parent and try to gain control of the situation. Notice I said "try".

Ash lost it. I mean totally and completely lost it! At the beginning of our session(remember it was the first one) her therapist asked Dave and I if Ash acted out. Huh? Of course not. She doesn't was my reply. At least, she never had before(except for the one time she just had to have that Signing Time DVD that I wasn't going to purchase 3 weeks before Christmas. Trust me that was nothing). "Does she bang her head on the floor or hit or bite or throw tantrums when she can't communicate what she wants. I mean, its normal behavior for children who can't speak." Uh, no was my answer. Of course she doesn't. She's pretty happy most of the time unless she's hurting. "Well, does she get angry when you tell her no?" My answer? I've never really told her no, so I guess not.

Boy or boy would those words turn around and bite me in the you know what in just a matter of an hour. I have never told Ash no. I have never seen her really not understand why she couldn't have what she wanted. I have never seen a tantrum like the one my princess threw last night. NEVER. I mean it when I say NEVER.

It was awful. It really and truly was. Dave eventually walked out of the room. Allie was demanding we just give her the book. She didn't understand why we were doing that to her. Blake? Thank God he wasn't home from church yet. I KNOW he would have been ANGRY with me for allowing this to "happen" to Ash. I sat there stunned trying to explain and sign to Ashley that the book didn't belong to her, but that she could read one of her own books. Our therapist explained and signed to her that it was her book and that she could look at it next week. Nothing was working. NOTHING. Ashley screamed, and hit, and banged her head, and scooted herself as close to the book as she could (that was now hidden behind the therapist). She signed please, then thank you, then please, then cry, then sad, then please, then thank you convinced we would hand her the book if she was just polite enough. Then she looked at me and signed for me to be sorry and to give her the book. She threw every single book of hers that I tried to hand her. I honestly did not know what to do. It broke my heart, but yet one little part of my heart was thrilled to see it happening. I'm not sure if you can understand that last sentence or not. You see our Ashley has been labeled as being around 6months old. No matter how intelligent she is since she can't(or refuses to) stack a series of 3 and then 6 blocks she just can't "advance" any higher on the evaluation forms. Its so frustrating for us as her parents. Ashley is so smart. She is always thinking. Always learning. Always proving "them" wrong. Maybe not in front of them, but every single day in her home she blows us away with her intelligence and desire to learn. So when she pulled out all the stops to get what she wanted it wasn't that she was just being spoiled or behaving like a brat. It was that she was being 3 (not 6 months) and that she was using everything she knew to use to achieve a goal. Her goal.

Now, in the end she lost, but the process was amazing to watch. In some weird sense. It just was. My sweet baby lay in her crib sleeping looking more and more like a little girl to me last night and all I could do was shake my head back and forth and share with Dave that I was blown away. Never again will I say that my daughter doesn't act up. If a therapist asks me if she acts out I'll pause a moment or two, allow a smile to creep across my face, and then nod my head yes. Yes, she can, and she might. Lets just wait and see.

I might even feel the tiniest sense of pride well up in my heart because you see, I've been on the longest journey of my life with this child of mine and its been bitter at times and then its become sweet only to return to the bitter. Last night was just sweet. It was oh so sweet and I'm grateful for it and maybe even a little bit proud. I hope you can understand that and I have a feeling that most of you will.

Enjoy your weekends. Were off to the ballpark in just a few hours and will return sometime on Sunday. If our boys do what their capable of it'll be a long one. If not then I'm sure it will be a learning experience and packed full of memories we can hang on to for a long, long time. Take care my friends. God bless. Trish

That's what her daddy said to me today at lunch. "Do you realize that she smiles everyday now?"

Its amazing. Honestly and truly amazing. We both were afraid, very afraid, that she had lost her joy, her happiness, her radiance for life forever. It was such an ugly time for us as we watched her deteriorate into a shell of unhappiness and discomfort. My heart hurt so bad over the loss of her smile that I didn't know how to describe it. The only person who truly understood what it felt like was Dave and between the two of us there was no need to even talk about it. I just remember lying in bed each night in the stillness once she had finally fallen asleep and wishing so badly for her good days to return. I cried most nights. I didn't know what else to do.

But now...things are different. She wakes up smiling. She stays smiling all day long. She lays down smiling and falls asleep with that smile on her face. Her eyes twinkle with all things ornery as she keeps us hopping all day long. I love that look in her eyes. I love knowing that she's dreaming up ways to keep me guessing as to what it is she's thinking of doing next. I love everything about this child.

We lost a lot of time with Ash over the last 8 months. Time that we can never get back, but she's making up for lost time. Just this weekend she threw out 3 new signs and has been using them daily ever since. One of them I had given up on just resigning myself to the fact that her stubborn streak was going to prevail and that she would never learn to be polite. She surprised me though giving me a renewed sense of hope that yes, I can teach this little lady to in fact behave like one. The sign "please" (even though she gets confused and mixes it up with "sorry") has brought me much encouragement in this area. She revealed to us that she knows the signs for bath, sorry, and please and that she can use them in context. Its absolutely adorable. She looks at the bathroom, signs the word "bath" and then promptly follows it up with the sign for "cry". It cracks me up! When her g-button is bothering her or a dressing needs changed she signs the word "hurt" to be followed with the sign "sorry". I've always talked her through her dressing changes and told her how sorry I was that it was hurting. So to see her sign "sorry" while the tears roll down her cheeks is actually a blessing. She is so bright and is learning from the things in her environment every single day. The sign "please" usually comes about when she is being too lazy to stretch, reach, or scoot close enough to a toy to retrieve it herself. She also uses it when asking to watch TV. Not even Blake can deny her this request and promptly gives up the ballgame to Wonder Pets or Blues Clues.

Life is amazing at our house. To watch our little girl smile each day is more than I thought we would ever see again. God is so good and its just so fun to be her mom and dad. We can't help ourselves. We're smiling a lot too these days.

In order to make sure we didn't forget to pack the most important things in our little yellow house Dave and I got started this past weekend. We packed the littlest one first and the older two are to follow this evening.


Ashley Kate knew what was coming and she could hardly wait...


Once she was appropriately packed she...





nestled her little bottom into place and located her toes.




Then she grabbed hold of the sides and held on...


tightly as she waited for the fun to begin! We gave her one last run across the floors of our house.

At the end of the ride we closed the top of the box and tapped it shut. See you guys next week when my box arrives at the new house.

The reality of this whole moving situation began to settle in this weekend when I brought the mail into the house and discovered items addressed to our buyers at what will soon be their address and not ours. Ouch! That was both encouraging and disheartening all at the same time. I mean, I think thats a pretty good sign that they won't be backing out of the sale in this last week, but it also made me realize that its really happening. In just one short week this will no longer be our home, but someone else's. Its all so emotional for me.

I have packed something in almost every room in the house except for the family room. I just can't do it. Not yet anyway. I like sitting in there each evening with a candle burning on the mantle and pictures of our children hanging on the walls. Its comforting to me while the rest of the house is literally wall to wall moving boxes. Dave walks in each evening and another little piece of our home is sealed up in a card board box. Our bathroom retreat no longer has baskets of soft towels and candles lining the shelves. Instead its empty. The dining room table no longer has a place setting ready and waiting for each member of our family. Instead it sits there completely cleared of all evidence that dinner will be served. The nursery is losing its sweetness piece by piece as I fold quilts, pack baskets, put away toys all into those ugly cardboard boxes. In some ways an excitement is building as I imagine what it will feel like to recreate those places in our new home and in others its just sad to my heart.

I'm sure its going to be a long and emotional week for us. Once we make it through this week then the fun of remodeling, painting, decorating, and "make a wishing" will begin at the new house. That should keep me occupied for a while. Our closing day is just a week away, then we have a week to prepare the new house for Ashley Kate's needs before we move our little family over to the other side of town and just around the block from Blake's new school. Life is really busy these days and we are thanking God that our Ashley is feeling stronger and stronger each day. What a blessing it is to have a happy, "healthy" toddler to make this move with. God is good to us. So good that it blows my mind when I consider all that He has done and is doing in her life. Wow!

Hope your week is blessed and full of joy. I'll check in as often as I can with this silly computer. Only 8 more days until we have reliable service again. Yeah!!! God bless. Trish