Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart


Jealous of the Saints of Heaven Tonight

Since the early hours of this morning you've now spent 4 years in Heaven...and...

 I'm missing you today.

 I miss you every single day since you left, but today its a longing that has no end.

 I'm wondering what your doing.

 I'm imagining all that you are seeing.

 I'm wishing I could catch a glimpse of you in the place you now reside.

 I'm jealous of all the saints in Heaven tonight.

The first day of your eternal life was the very worst day of our current life.  How thankful I am that the pain you had to endure as your body lay dying has ended.  How very thankful I am that that part is over for you.  Never again will you feel pain.  Never will you fear.  Never will you cry.  Oh precious girl I am so very thankful for those truths.

Still we hurt from missing you.  We hurt from the recurring memories of those last days with you. We hurt from never having the ability to see your face, or hold your hands, or smell your sweet hair again.  This anniversary day of your homecoming is bitter and sweet for all of us.  Its never an easy day.  All four of us struggle through it.  Wishing so desperately that we hadn't lost you.  Wanting more than anything to have somehow saved you from your broken and failing body.  I wanted to spare you the pain of dying and spare your brother and sister the pain of watching you die.  I wanted so much to dry the tears that fell uncontrollably from your daddy's eyes.  I wanted to keep you safe and hold onto you forever.  I couldn't do any of those things.  You slipped from our arms into the arms of Jesus that morning and though the bitterness of death stole you away from us we believe that the sweetness of Heaven awaited your arrival.  How sweet to know that all the hurt ended that very moment.  How sweet to see that you no longer struggled for air to fill your lungs.  How sweet to imagine that as your last breath left your broken body your new life began and all of Heaven rejoiced to see you there.  

This day has been so difficult.  The tears have fallen from my eyes since the moment they opened. I miss you desperately.  I long to see you again.  I can't deny the brokenness that our hearts still feel.  I imagine they always will...but...

I rejoice for you today.  I know you are at peace.  I believe you are with the One Who created you and gave you to us and allowed us to love you for your short life here.  How beautiful it was to have the opportunity to be your family.  How precious a gift you were to each one of us.  Ash, we love you.  Still we love you.  Forever we will love you. If only I could tuck you in again tonight I would still whisper in your ear that Daddy loves Ashley...and Mommy loves Ashley...and Blake loves Ashley...and Allie loves Ashley...and Jesus loves Ashley.

You will be forever loved...forever missed...forever eight.


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