Making the Most of It

Tonight my heart is heavy as I remember the image of Zachary's parents walking to their car early this morning. It reminds me of the other families I have watched leave this place walking on that very path. Not only does my heart break for their loss and for their empty arms, but my heart is scared. Scared that some day that could be us. Walking out of these halls without my sweet Ashley in my arms. With each passing day I am learning the value of life. Each moment I am given with my children is precious. Transplant is not a promise of life, it is merely a chance at a life. Without it my daughter would not have one at all. The gift of life that was given to her by our donor family and ultimately by the Father is not a gaurantee. I would be lying to you and to myself if I told you that I believed my sweet Ashley is going to live a long life. What I can tell you is that I hope to make the life she is given as wonderful and precious and memorable as I possibly can.

There are so many things I hope for my Ashley and things that I dream of doing with her. More than anything I hope for Ash to have joy. The kind of joy that does not fade. The joy that comes from loving God and from knowing how much He loves her. I hope for Ashley to feel the ocean at her feet one day. I hope for Ashley to lay in the grass next to me and pick out pictures in the cloudy sky above. I hope for Ashley to feel the warm summer breeze against her cheeks. I hope for Ashley to watch the leaves dance across the lawn in the autumn air. I hope for Ashley to catch snowflakes on her tongue. I hope for Ashley to one day learn to walk and run and "jumpa, jumpa, jumpa" with her precious friend Daisy. I hope for Ashley to climb upon her Daddy's lap and smell his cologne as she drifts off to sleep. I hope for Ashley to watch her brother play baseball at the ballpark again. I hope for Ashley to lay in her bed at night and tell secrets with her sister in the room that they share. I hope for Ashley to run down the aisle at the store and pick up crayons, and scissors, and lunch boxes, and backpacks for her first day of school. I hope for Ashley to learn her first Bible verse and proudly tell it for all to hear. I hope for Ashley to grow up and fall in love with the man of her dreams. I hope for Ashley to have a blessed life. I hope for Ashley to know Jesus. I hope for Ashley to love life itself. I hope for Ashley to know what a gift her life is. I hope for Ashley.

I want to make the most of it. I never want to take one minute of her life or Blake's or Allison's for granted. I want to soak it all in and never forget one moment of it. Talking to my sister today she told me how her oldest son (who is 21) came home yesterday and spent the afternoon watching the football game with his dad. How precious it was to have him there. For him to come home willingly and want to spend time with them. It meant the world to her and it meant the world to me for her to have those few moments with this young man that she raised. Oh, how she loves him, and what good friends they once were. I realized that just as my nephew did, my children will and are growing up. Our time with them in our homes is fleeting. They will not always be little. The day will come when they will not be down the hall from us. I want to hold them as much as I can while I still can.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have learned through my precious daughter's life that taking the time to "make the most of it" is worth it. I don't know how long I will be a mommy, but I do know that I love this job. I want to do it well. I want them (my 3 children) to someday look back on their childhood and smile knowing that their mom loved them more than anything. I want to "make the most of it." Trish