Higher Than Mine

His thoughts and His ways are higher than mine. He doesn't have to explain Himself to me. He doesn't have to fit within my understanding or my definition of who He is. He far exceeds anything that I could label Him with. I don't pretend to understand the whys or the reasons for what is happening in my Ashley's life. I don't have to come to an understanding. The important thing is that I come to an acceptance. An acceptance that He has wisdom far beyond mine. Tonight it is enough for me to know how much He loves her. His ways are higher than mine.

As high as my expectations for my daughter are can you even imagine how high His must be? He created her with a plan in mind. Her life is no accident. Her illness is no accident. Her struggles are no accident. He wants the absolute best for my Ashley and if His best for her is not the same as mine I must back up and allow His best to come before mine. My fear is that I might somehow get in the way of what He has in store for her life. If only I could remember that His love for her is so GREAT. His ways are higher than mine.

I am struggling. I am hurting. I am making mistakes. My fit throwing, My temper tantrums, My pity parties are not going to help my daughter. It is when I allow Him to be seen in me, to work in me, to use me that His best for Ashley will be done. I must not allow my own selfish will to overshadow His perfect will. I love Ash, Al, and Blake with everything inside of me. If I truly love them as much as I believe I do then I have to humble myself before Him and allow Him to work in their lives. His ways are higher than mine.

I would be lying to you if I tried to pretend that I knew how to face tomorrow and the days ahead. I don't know what to do. My heart is broken. I am scared for this precious baby. She is so wonderful. I wish you could know her the way that we do. Her smile, her laugh, her face, her hands, her bunny wearing feet, her spirit, her strength, everything about her brings joy to her mommy and daddy's heart. She touches a part of you that makes you realize how good life is and how blessed you are to have it. His ways are higher than mine.

I could have never imagined loving her as much as I do, but His ways are higher than mine. I could have never imagined struggling along side of her as we do, but His ways are higher than mine. I could have never imagined becoming connected to all of you through her life, but His ways are higher than mine. I could have never imagined we would face days like tomorrow, but His ways are Higher than mine. I could have never imagined that thousands of people would fall in love with and pray for her the way that you all do, but I thank God that His ways are higher than mine.