Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

11/19/2007

Our Home away from Home...Again

Welcome back to the PICU, Ashley! I really must have a banner printed that stays permanently fixed to the wall. I can't even type about my emotions at this point. I am afraid if I stopped to try and think for too long that they might over take me and this is definitely not the place to allow myself to be broken in. Just know that it has been a difficult day to swallow.

Ashley's chest x-rays show that she is fluid over loaded. Her little body just can't seem to figure out where to put the fluid it needs in order to function. Upon our arrival in the treatment center her oxygen sats were a whopping 66! Unbelievable how quickly things can change in her little body. In 24 hours she went from stability to an inability to breathe on her own. She is now on 4 liters of oxygen as we try to pull fluid off of her. Why the PICU and not general Pediatrics? In case we can't get the fluid off and she needs more support that would come from the ventilator(the big ugly thing is sitting in the corner just staring at us!).

Our disappointment runs deep. Deeper still since we really believed we were so close to leaving Omaha behind for the warmer Texas climate. Dave tried to convince the doctors that we couldn't breathe during the winter months and that we would all be much safer in Texas. Looks like we will need winter coats.

Ashley Kate's feeds have been turned off. Can I even begin to describe how bad that feels? No, I can't so why bother. Hopefully in a day or two she will be restored to a more normal fluid level and we will begin to tackle that feeding monster again.

Days like today make me wonder and ponder and cry. Thats the truth. I wish I had the answers, but I don't. Trish

32 Comments:

At 5:09 PM , Blogger Candy said...

Trish. I feel so bad for Ash and you. Praying for her breathing and for the fluid to go away. God is with you and He will hold you. Praying for strength, healing and peace. God bless you, know so many are praying.

 
At 5:13 PM , Blogger Sun said...

Oh sweet Trish - words fail me. I wish I had some great encouragement to offer...but I don't. So I will lift you and Ashley up in prayer! Please hang in there and know that we are praying and God will never fail you! Sunshine

 
At 5:26 PM , Blogger Julie said...

Praying for you and your family..Wishing you all peace.

 
At 5:39 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

still praying and weeping in central IL..oh, God, please have mercy on that dear little Ashley and give peace and strength to her family....

 
At 5:42 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi baby girl, Do we know what wounded hearts feel like? YOU BET WE DO!!!
if buckets of tears would help I'm with you, lets turn loose. How do people with out our Lord do this kind of thing? I know it is not a surprise to Him but I just can't believe it. I know He is in total control and use this to glorify His name, knowing this is all that helps keep my sanity and I'm sure yours too. I love you girls and miss you so much. Oh well there goes the makeup job for tonights ministry class, the bucket of tears are flowing anyway. How I wish I knew something else to say to comfort you. I believe our only peace is to ask our Lord to hold us in His arms and tell us He will work it all out for us all. Love you so, Nan

 
At 5:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear the news. May the Lord hold you and comfort you through this time.

-Heidi

 
At 5:48 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I had something comforting to say......know that I am praying.
Beth

 
At 5:50 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish,
I am so so so so very sorry! My heart goes out to you right now and always! You are the strongest person I've ever known...in real life or online! I wish that I could do something to make Ashley better "right now!". Please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I just don't know what to say right now except I am praying!
Hang in there Trish as I know you will....things WILL get better again. Right now I pray this is short-lived and you and Ashley can return to LIED or HOME very soon!
May God hold you in His arms and let you know He is there for you always!
God Bless you always!
Okla

 
At 5:53 PM , Blogger missy said...

I am SO very sorry! I don't know what else to say except that I continue to pray for you all. Please, hang in there. I pray that peace will be your constant companion and that God moves every mountain that gets in little Ashley's way.

 
At 6:50 PM , Anonymous becky said...

Dear Trish,

Dear, dear Trish,
Please remember, you may be hard pressed, but you are not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, you may feel persecuted, but you are not abandoned; you may be struck down but you are not destroyed because no matter what you are going through, Jesus is with you. I'm praying you feel His peace, presence, and power like you never have before.

 
At 6:51 PM , Blogger Keri Ann said...

I have no words for you. Only more and more prayer. Rest in His peace.

 
At 6:52 PM , Blogger The Rutland Family said...

God bless you! You guys are having a difficult time of it this go around. But, God has healed before and He will again. He has a reason for all of this and He knows the outcome. I know it's easy for me to write this from Georgia when I'm not personally going through it, but I hurt and pray for you daily. I too have a princess for a daughter and can't stand to see her sick. I did a Bible Study earlier this year that taught me to call on God by name for different things. Call on JEHOVAH-ROPHE: "The Lord Who Heals" Ex. 15:22-26. From "rophe" ("to heal"); implies spiritual, emotional as well as physical healing. (Jer. 30:17, 3:22; Isa. 61:1) God heals body, soul and spirit; all levels of man's being.
I will pray to Jehovah-Rophe on Ashely's behalf.
Because He lives, we CAN face tomorrow.
Pam

 
At 6:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am at a loss for words. I am so very sorry for this set back. I will continue to pray for Ashley's healing and for all of you. It is probably safe to say we are all crying with you.
-Chris

 
At 6:56 PM , Blogger Elizabeth said...

Unfortunatly I have no words either dear sweet Trish! You are lifted up in prayer...It seems like only defeat is coming your way but God has something big in store for you...I pray you can have the patience to seek his will in all this. God bless you dear!
Love,
Elizabeth

 
At 7:07 PM , Anonymous andrea b. said...

I'm praying!

 
At 7:11 PM , Blogger jtcosby said...

Praying for you...wish I could be there to help love on little Ashley.

 
At 7:14 PM , Blogger CrownLaidDown said...

Praying with hope and expectancy.

With love in Jesus,
Holly

 
At 7:20 PM , Anonymous Misty said...

Cry all you like Trish...we're here....We are crying with you....I can't even begin to pretend to know how you feel...Praying Praying Praying.......

 
At 7:26 PM , Anonymous nikki said...

I hate "hearing" the disappointment you and Dave are having to endure, ESPECIALLY on the feedings. I remember from before what you said about the TPN, so I was really excited that she had fought her way off of it. I really truly wish there was more that I could do than just keep saying "we're praying," even though I know you know that is the most important part. I just wish you didn't keep getting so far with Ashley, just to have to start all over. I do know God has a plan. I can just perceive that it is not currently a very pleasant one to have to plow through and I wish I could take over for you for a while. He is still with you. I know you know that but with all that is happening, I'm just not sure how much you are getting to stop and concentrate on it. HE IS THERE. AND HE IS WORKING, SOMEHOW. Just know that as our prayers continue, they have and will ALWAYS include Ashley's comfort first, then her progress, and togetherness for the five of you is always right behind those. Hope you get some rest. It sounds like you'll once again have a lot of information to be dealing with. God be with you. And prayers that you will feel it tangibly.

 
At 7:49 PM , Anonymous Leslie said...

Praying for you and sweet Ashley. God bless you both and Dave as he gets back home.

 
At 8:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for your sweet little Ashely Kate and you and your entire family.

 
At 8:15 PM , Blogger cindy/barron said...

Hi Trish, at loss for words but know that our prayers are with your family

 
At 8:44 PM , Blogger Alicia said...

I, too, am at a loss for words. I hurt for you. You're constantly in my prayers.

 
At 8:53 PM , Anonymous Kathleen said...

Praying our God will heal Ashley and give you comfort and strength!

 
At 9:07 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying
Kori

 
At 9:25 PM , Anonymous Lori said...

Trish,
I am so very sorry! I wish I knew what to say but I can tell you that we are praying. Thanks for keeping us updated.
Love and hugs,
Lori

 
At 9:39 PM , Blogger Laurie said...

Extra prayers for you tonight Trish. I am so sorry for the disappointment your sweet heart is feeling. Have a good cry and let it all out at the Lords feet. He knows your heart and Ashley's little body's needs right now. I pray strength and comfort for you right now and that your hope stays firm. Keep your eyes on Him Trish and Dave will be there soon to give you the hugs you need and the comfort. God will keep His promise to you.

Love, Laurie in Ca.

 
At 10:04 PM , Anonymous cyn said...

Oh Dear Trish! Nothing to say but we are praying and our God is mighty. And I want that little girl to be home with you and the rest of your precious family!

 
At 10:46 PM , Anonymous Susan Roberts said...

We are praying! May God bless your family!

 
At 11:12 PM , Blogger ManyBlessings said...

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

Chorus:
In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

Chorus:
In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
To press on

 
At 11:23 PM , Anonymous Tori said...

NO! I love you guys, but I was hoping you would get the heck out of Nebraska and back to Texas where you belong. . . . . darn it. I went out with a bunch of girls the other night. They were talking about a Beth Moore teaching about "it is well with my soul." One of the mothers was talking about when her son was in ICU and God pressed this into her heart. Trish, I don't know how that can even be possible, that you'd be able to say "it is well with my soul", but I pray that God would help you to get to that place (and stay there) despite this most disappointing setback. I pray that 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 may be come reality in that little PICU room tonight, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." Trish, you are strong and Ashley is strong because you pull your strength from the Lord who holds the universe in His hand. Stay strong and make it back to Texas. With God, ALL things are possible.

 
At 12:57 AM , Blogger Gretchen said...

Trish, your loss (most recent post) and pain at returning to the PICU are so palpable. I will not give up on praying for a Christmas miracle. I praise God that you can share the good as well as the awful with us, and we still know He's an awesome God. I'm so sorry for this and for the shattered surprise over Thanksgiving. ((((((hugs))))))gretchen

 

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