Our Decision

After speaking with our coordinator and listening to what the doctors have said Dave and I have decided to first arrange for Ashley's bowel to be scoped in Shreveport. We are currently working on getting that scheduled. The tissue will be sent to Omaha to have their pathologists look at it. Based on the results of those slides we will decide whether or not to return to Omaha. If there is anyway possible to have Ashley taken care of closer to home then that is our hope. Always knowing that if she NEEDS to be taken care of in Omaha that we will be on a plane in a matter of hours. Her health is always the main priority. There is a very good chance that Ashley never came out of rejection. I believe that is what everyone is suspecting. Still in rejection. There is also a chance(although I feel it is a small one) that she is just healing slowly and not currently in rejection. Omaha had requested that we be there to be scoped on Tuesday and seen in clinic on Thursday. We are attempting to have her scoped in time to have her slides to them by Tuesday. Before leaving Omaha I questioned whether or not we needed to scope Ash to check on the status of her healing. Denied. The week of Thanksgiving I again requested that perhaps we should have her bowel scoped because of the rise in her stool output. Denied. Decided not necessary. While discussing with our coordinator this morning I shared our opinion that since her doctors were not requesting that she be scoped until Tuesday(they didn't seem to want it done immediately) that we were choosing to have it done here first. Then we will decide what direction to take.

Dave and I are doing our best to raise our family. Our entire family. We are trying to decide when it is necessary versus just preferred to have her cared for in Omaha. I realize many people disagree with us on many different issues and I have come to realize that its ok. I'm not raising my family and caring for my children to please the whole world. What I am doing is the best that I know how to do. Loving them with everything in me and providing for each of them the safest, most stable, nurturing environment that I possibly can. If I were to be gone tomorrow I can honestly say that I believe my children would know that I loved them, that they were my top priority and that nothing in this world mattered more to me then the three of them. I want to have no regrets. We have also decided that if Ashley Kate and I are in Omaha during the holidays that Dave will take Blake and Allison on our trip anyway. I do not want them to miss what we have planned. They have suffered many disappointments over the last three years and I can't bare to cause them another. They have no idea that Ash is sick and that there is talk of us returning to Omaha. Please use discretion when you see them during this time. I do not want to burden them if I do not have to. We will face this when and if the time comes for us to leave again.

Even if we have only "bought" ourselves a few more days together as a family then it will have been worth it. We have learned that a few weeks, few days, few moments are precious. She is a chronically sick child and it breaks our hearts to have to accept that, but we have no power to change it. We better than anyone understand this, and because of this understanding the more moments we can spend making memories together the better. Last night I lingered longer. I laid next to Allie and scratched her back until she was sound asleep. I stayed a while after that even just to soak up as much time next to her as I possibly could. I kissed the forehead of my son as he lay sleeping not once, not twice, not three times, but so many that I lost count as I cried over him. The thought of leaving them again is more than painful. Especially at Christmas time.

What are the odds that she is fine and this is all about nothing? I guess its possible, but not likely. We are hoping beyond all else that she will make huge improvements in the next few hours and days. We remain hopeful. As we learn more we will let you know. At this time our sweet baby sits in her nursery and plays. So innocent and so, so precious. I wish I could keep her safely tucked inside of that room forever and ever.

Your prayers and well wishes are very much appreciated. May God bless you and your families tonight. I know He continues to bless ours even though many times there is much pain involved. Take care. Trish