Residents and Responsibility

Ashley's blood pressures remain dangerously low. 73/28! She is not recovering them. The fluids are in and not helping. Actually all the fluids are shifting to her face. By morning she won't be able to open her eyes from the pressure of the fluids weighing down her eyelids.

I'm going to vent for a short moment? If you don't want to read it, turn off the computer. If you think you need to preach to me about, turn off the computer. Ok, here goes.

RESIDENTS!!! I am not an idiot. I am trying to make you aware of this patients respiratory history and how her body handles large amounts of fluid bolus'. Excuse me, do you know this patient? Haven't you been on the job oh lets say about 2 months or so? I wasn't aware of your expertise on patients you have never seen in your life time. All I am asking you to do is be careful, be responsible. Stay on top of her respiratory status. That's all. The best thing my daughter has going for her right now is that she currently has the ability to breathe on her own. Call it a little thing if you will, but its pretty _____ important to me. The last thing you need to do is talk down to me at 2 am like I am uneducated and don't know how important it is that her blood pressure comes up. I KNOW THAT, just be aware that we are walking on a slippery slope. All of this fluid is going to the wrong areas, she's not peeing, she's not improving, she's on the edge. Do you get it? Be careful with her. She's one of only three of the most valuable things in my life. Get it? She's my daughter.

I just want there to be a better plan. We can not keep this up. We need to treat the rejection, but we also need to maintain her fluid status at the same time. It was irresponsible to run the thymo without a maintenance dose of fluid. I'm just asking that in rounds we come up with a better plan of attack. I'm not attacking you and your "knowledge" and I certainly am not naive. Unfortunately we've done this before. I wonder if you have?

I hate this place. I hate hospitals. I hate TEACHING hospitals. I hate this situation. I hate all of this. Morning can't come soon enough for us. We need to talk to the surgeon and develop a plan to protect Ashley Kate through this mess she is in the middle of.

I just want her to come home. Her bed, her room, her night light, her lullabies. I want to take this little girl back to where she is safe and no one wakes her at night. Where she can lie down and sleep in peace knowing she won't be hurt if she closes her eyes. I want to be down the hall from her listening to her play with books instead of drifting off to sleep. I want to tip toe down that hall to peek at her all through out the night. I want to hear Allison say, "I love you baby girl. I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight." in her big sister voice. I want to walk past her door and catch a glimpse of my 14 year old son cuddled up next to her on that tiny bed of hers. I want her life back.