Words

I can't seem to find any. My thoughts are a jumbled mess, my mind swirling, and my heart aching. The words are caught up in that mess and I'm struggling to find them.

Tonight I had dear, sweet friends surrounding me for a few hours. Ministering to me and to my baby. On a night that could have easily turned into torture for me I was able to smile a few times, laugh a little, and share my sweet Ashley. God was good and brought great comfort to me through the friendships I share with the women who stood in our room. I'm grateful for that.

I hate the place that we find ourselves in. Its so frightening. So unsure. I can't explain how I feel about today's news. I guess this morning we might have a little more direction. I'm so tired. So very tired. It has been more than 2 days since I have slept. At all. Not even a nap. Ash cries most of the day and night. She needs help to move in even the slightest of ways. Her abdomen is so large, so distended that she looks completely unrecognizable. It it frightening to see her this way. She looks as though her skin is going to tear open.


If my mind were clearer and if I had gotten a little bit of sleep I might have been able to write the words that I truly wanted to share tonight, but I just can't do it. Let me just say thank you for being here. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for your prayers. Life as we knew it has been completely taken from us and we are now trying to figure out our new one. Its proving to be more difficult each day.