Long Night Ahead?
Tonight is the first night that we are attempting to let Ashley Kate sleep in her room down the hall from us. Ugh...
I know its something she needs...her routine...her bed...her room...her normal...the way it was before explant
I'm not so sure its what I need. Since returning home I've been able to lie down at night and stare into her beautiful face until my eyes become blurry and I drift off to sleep. I wake up several times each night and there she is...that face...inches from the edge of my bed. I smile, I laugh out loud, I cry, I pray, I stare.
You should have seen her tonight as we tucked her into bed in her own room. That smile, that twinkle in her eyes, that feeling that came over her and I saw all over her face. She's happy to be back in her own room, pointing and signing for books off the shelf, the light to be turned out and the music to be turned up so she can "listen". Its her routine. One that has been missing for months and months.
I've watched her through the night for several weeks now and she doesn't touch the line. Its what scared me the most. Her last central line. It scared me so much in the beginning that I didn't dare close my eyes. Tonight? I think I'll be doing the same. Not closing my eyes, but instead choosing to make the path up and down the hallway from my room to hers over and over again. Yep, I think there is a long night ahead of us. Wish us luck.