Conversations

Last night I had the privilege of driving home from the freshman basketball game with my son. It was just the two of us and it was full of conversation. As we drove and talked and even stopped to do a little Christmas shopping(so out of character for Blake, but I believe he was enjoying the conversation as much as I) I remember thinking to myself how grateful I was that I wasn't missing it. Its moments like the ones we had last night that I am so aware of the importance of.

The basketball was awesome, I mean the old coach in me has to say that I thoroughly enjoyed watching my kid play the game, but the time spent with my son topped that. I love this kid. I'm sure I've told you once or twice:) He is such a great person. The type of person I would want to know even if he wasn't my son. The fact that he is our son is just a bonus.

At one point in our drive I asked him if he thinks he had a good childhood. Just wanted to know what he thought about his life and his answers blew me away. As he drove(very surreal for me to be in the passenger seat) he said with great emphasis, " I've had a GREAT life. Its been awesome. I have really good memories." The emotion in his voice is what took me by surprise. He meant what he was saying. We chatted about some of those memories and then our conversation turned toward his baby sister. I asked him if it had been hard on him or if he thought he and Allie had to endure too much. Again, his answers, so heartfelt, took my breath away. "Its been hard mom to see her hurt. Its been hard not knowing how it will all turn out, but she is SO happy its worth it. I think we had to grow up fast. I wouldn't change it. I love her and I think Allie and I are growing up better people because of Ash. I just want her to be this happy forever." There were tears in my eyes. Stinging my eyes. I shared with him that we were taking her back so she would have a chance to be this happy for a long, long time. He knows how heartbroken his Dad and I are over it, he is too. He also knows that if she doesn't get another chance then she won't grow up. Our conversation then switched from the hurt to the memories and moments he has shared with her, some of which I never even knew about. He loves that little girl. Loves her more than any of this friends know, more than his girlfriend knows, more than his teammates know, more than his teachers know, more than most people in his life will ever know. He doesn't talk about her much. He holds his relationship with Ashley Kate deep inside his heart. When she hurts he hurts. When she laughs he laughs. When he passes through her room on his way to bed he never fails to stop and kiss her cheeks, tuck her blankets around her, and tell her goodnight. He's even been known to kiss that silly dinosaur of hers when she asks him too. Nothing blesses my heart more than to pass outside her door and find him doing such things for her. Such a good feeling to be loved by Blake and I am so thankful she knows that feeling too.

The conversation got lighter and we switched to college talk. I pushed and promoted Baylor as much as I could and he just smiled and shook his head. "I'm thinking about it mom, but its not my first choice, its one of them, but not my first." I tried to keep the part about being close to home out of the conversation and just promote the other positives, but he knows my heart. He knows its all about staying in Texas so his mommas heart won't be so broken. I think I'll be purchasing t-shirts and hoodies from Baylor to put under the tree and maybe fill his stocking with some memorabilia too!

Do you have any idea how unreal it is to talk colleges with my son as he drives us toward home after one of his high school basketball games? Is this really my life? My son is supposed to be playing t-ball and building with legos. Who is this young man in my life? Where did he come from?

Anyway, it was a good night and I'm grateful for it. I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to be there in those moments. My in-laws sat with Ashley Kate and they will never know how very much they are ministering to us. Its nights like this that I will hold in my heart for the rest of my life and not to have missed out on that conversation with my son is more valuable to me than anything else.