Its D Day for us

Today is the day we head out on our long drive(d day) to Omaha. 

Unbelievably so we have been battling with the insurance company all day trying to get what had already been approved as of 5pm last night re-approved.  They are requesting we just see our local primary doctor for this issue of acute rejection.  As of this morning they find it is unnecessary to travel such a distance to be seen by a doctor.  Hmmm...so glad they can make that determination.  Their other suggestion...delay the appointment until December 15th so they can review the case further.  Nice...she could be in ICU by Dec. 15th if we don't pursue treatment.  This is not a visit we are choosing to take...this is a visit we are being forced to take because of circumstance outside of our control. 

I've slept very little this week.  I can't deny that my nerves on are edge about the whole trip.  There is something about Omaha that makes me shake inside.  Something that causes me to be afraid every single time we arrive inside of that building.  Its so very hard to explain.  The very worst days of our lives were spent inside those walls and yet they were sprinkled with some of the most amazing, kind, and loving people we have ever met.  How I wish I could separate the horrible experiences from the people.  The people in Omaha, the nurses who not only loved our Ashley, but us too, the community, and the churches who reached out to a little family all the way from Texas and loved on us in a way I have rarely ever seen.  To be on the receiving end of that love was one of the biggest blessings in my life.

 Still, the memory of watching our sweet Ashley cling to life for months on end and seeing the pain and horror that she endured is something I can't ever forget.  I just can't put it out of my mind.  Nightmares of those days have returned each night as I fight to close my eyes just because I know we are going back. My head is hurting so bad from the battle that rages inside of it.  I know we aren't staying this week.  We will literally leave there in under 6 hours.  Its just a journey for a few tests.  Thats it.  She's coming home with us tomorrow afternoon.  She is.

In less that 4 hours we will head out on the road.  Dave cracks me up! He has made a bed in the back of our  vehicle.  Mattress, sheets, quilts, pillows.  You name it, its there.  Its like a rolling hotel headed down the highway.  As a little surprise for him I've thrown in my sleep mask to keep the lights out of his eyes while he rests.  He's going to be pumped about that!  Our overnight bags are packed.  TPN supplies are being assembled this afternoon.  I've taken a power converter and am hoping to be able to use my hair iron in the morning from right inside the car.  We are going to be the saddest looking family walking into that clinic tomorrow morning.  No showers, changing clothes in the back of our car and brushing our teeth in the bathrooms outside the doors, but we seriously have no other choice but to drive it overnight.  Dave had to work today and I couldn't make the upcoming decisions alone.  He needs to be at this appointment with us.  There is no time to get a hotel.  We will be arriving with about an hour to spare before her first appointment. 

D day is here.  We are headed back to Omaha.  Words I had hoped to never, ever type again...and yet I've always known they will be a constant in this accounting of our journey.  Omaha will forever be a constant in her life.  I'm just trying to put together as many days as possible between our visits there.  You can't blame a mom for trying. 

Wish us luck:)