Remembering what I know is true
I'm trying so hard to remember what I know is true.
I know that God is good.
I know that He never changes.
I know that if He was good yesterday then He is still good today and He will remain good tomorrow.
When nothing else makes sense to me and I can't understand or see the whys of this moment I remind myself to hang on to what I know is true... He is good.
Today was a better day. I hesitate to say a good day because that is so different now then what it once was, but I can say it was better. Ash did go into the ER this morning because we were going to have to TPA her line and we felt it important to be safe and give her some blood products before. Once she got there though her line opened up and the TPA was no longer necessary. We checked a CBC and found that despite the bleeding she had held her own the last two days and her counts were relatively the same. Since our doctor was out of town the ER doctor was more comfortable not giving her any blood or platelets since she had held steady for two days. It's wasn't so much that she couldn't have used the transfusion but everything carries great risks at this time and so it was decided that it would be better to wait until next week. Her vitals were all strong and despite her constant cough her lungs sounded clear.
She had a long nap this afternoon and then my mom took her out for a drive this evening. She came back and spent some time hanging with her daddy before going to bed. Dave reported to me that she seems better tonight than the last couple of nights. My heart needed to hear a good report and so I'm thankful.
I chose to stay in Dallas with Blake since she had a stable day. I'm not sure what I will do the rest of the time but for tonight I'm here with him. I was just too tired to make the drive back home and then again early in the morning. I think I'm ok with my decision but I haven't tried to fall asleep yet. That may not be easy since I'm away from Ashley Kate.
As I read your kind words I feel so comforted knowing how much she is loved. I can never thank all of you enough for loving our girl all this time. There are moments along this journey that feel so isolating and we feel so lost. Then there are times when I feel the support of thousands of believers who are interceding on her behalf. I'm reminded almost daily of what it looks like to love someone through the eyes of Christ. You are reminding me. I've tried desperately to teach that to my Blake and Allie over the years and now we are on the receiving end of that kind of love. It's so humbling. So comforting. Thank you for loving a little girl in Texas tonight and for going a step further and loving on her mommy and daddy too. We will be forever grateful.