I've known this day was coming. I've known it for the last 18 years, but I've REALLY known for the last 355 days. Its because of this day, the one I'm facing this morning, that I forced myself to open my eyes for each of the last 355. I'm not sure that I would have if not for this very day.
In just a couple of hours I'll be following down the road behind his sporty little car. Mine packed to the brim with all of his belongings. In all honesty I can't believe we've actually made it through the last 355 and have arrived to this one. Its happening though.
I can only imagine how it will feel when he wraps his strong arms around me and hugs my neck before we head back home this afternoon. I can only imagine how hard it will be to contain the tears that so freely are falling from my eyes this morning while he still sleeps. I can only imagine what it will feel like to tell only one of our three children goodnight this evening. Still as hard as all of that is going to be, I can only imagine that it will be easier though than it would have been 355 days ago.
Hugging my son and telling him goodbye will be easier than it was for us as we hugged and kissed and told our precious Ash goodbye 355 days ago. Sending a child off to college and sending a child into eternity are vastly different. Perspective is what I've been working on all week.
Blake is ready. So ready! We are proud of him, of who he is, of who we will grow to become. So proud! Today is his first step toward living his dream. Making it come true. All the preparation, the struggle, the sacrifice, its taught him so much. Chasing the dream has shaped him into the man he is today and I can't wait to watch him grow over the next few years as he gets closer and closer and closer to making it a reality in his life.
Parenting Blake has been one of the greatest JOYS in my life. He has been my constant friend for 18 years. I can still see him sitting next to me in the sandbox. Still hear his voice announce to me, "I'll be wight back mommy, K, wight back. Don't worry bout me, K?" as he ran off into the house to get his cap. I can see his tiny legs rounding the bases for the very first time and the grin that spread across his face as he looked up and saw us sitting on the other side of the fence. The little thumbs up sign he gave to us told me we had stepped into a world where he would thrive. It was so him. He was in his element. At 4 years old! We knew. It was written all over his face. I can still see him holding each of his baby sisters the day he met them. Still see the smile in his eyes. The pride on his face. I can still see him loving on those two girls. Taking such good care of those two beauties. He has always been an amazing big brother. Simply amazing. I can still see the joy on his face and on hers too the day this photograph was taken. I remember the laughter, the giggles, the delight that spilled out of them both as the played. The memory is still so real. I can still see his shoulders shaking and his tears falling as he wept over the body of his baby sister. I can still see him lean in to kiss her face for the last time and see his broken heart written all over his face as he turned and walked away. There are so many memories that I can still see so clearly.
Today is moving day. My first born. My only son. My first best friend. He's moving out today. No longer will he be living under our roof. Oh he will be coming home to visit, but it will be forever different after today. I'm not sad. I'm excited. I'm proud. I'm ready to watch him succeed. He deserves nothing less than that from me. I'm determined not to burden him with my breaking heart today. Its his day. His day to do great things. I have NO doubt that he will.
Its moving day.