We can't sleep

5:00a.m.

We have been in out of sleep all through the night. My sweet Ashley is so very strong and a little stubborn too. She should by all accounts have her little eyes closed and be "out" based on the amount of drugs they have given to her. The look in her eyes makes me wonder what she is thinking. Her heart rate has not come down out of the 200 range. This makes me concerned. Her tiny body is obviously in a panic about what ever has invaded her system. I hope they have an answer this morning and a plan of attack. God has created an amazing machine that fights against infection, but in Ashley's case we have weakened her immune system to almost nothing so her body would accept and not fight against her new organs. I am very concerned.

Today is my Blake's 11th birthday. How amazing it has been to watch him grow from my little guy into the young man he has become. It takes an incredible amount of maturity to tell me to not worry about being gone, he just wants me to take care of Ash. Birthdays are a big deal at our house and my heart breaks that this year for him I can not be there to celebrate his life. I often tell him that if God lined up all the boys all over the earth and told me I could choose any one I wanted I would choose him. The amazing thing about my son is that he has been a complete joy every day of his life to me. I am truly honored to be his mom. I could not be prouder of him. His character and compassion and love for what is right makes my heart smile all of the time. How I love this child! God has blessed me again and again with the children He has hand crafted to be mine. Being Blake and Allie and Ashley's mom makes me strive to be a better person. Happy Birthday Blake! You know I love you more than "chocolate chip cookies." May God bless you today and grow you in His goodness and His plan for your life. I will be thinking of you all day.

In just a few hours my sister will be here with me and I can't wait to feel her arms around me giving me strength. I know she brings with her all the love and prayers of a thousand people and I need her strength today. Thank you God for my amazing family.

Father please be present with me today. Comfort our tiny princess as she begins to face all that the day has in store for her. Let me be strong and confident in You. Please allow me to be still enough to feel you in the room with us. Thank you for another day to love Ash. I am so humbled to be in this place with this gift from you.