Still Protecting Her

One thing I have been learning through Ashley's life is that all things happen for a reason. Many times it takes a while for me to figure out what the reason is, but today it has happened in a short amount of time. Even when I don't understand why things are happening to her, I know that the Father is busy protecting my sweet Ashley.

This morning I was looking forward to seeing Ash come off of the ventilator. When that was unable to happen I was disappointed, but I along with the doctor wanted to make sure that she was ready. As the day progressed we were able to accomplish a few things so I was still feeling encouraged. We made a couple of vent changes in anticipation of trying again tomorrow. After making the changes we tried to suction Ash to make her more comfortable and instead of pulling back mucus we pulled back blood. Not once but A FEW TIMES. We began to take a closer look at the breathing tube and saw that it had been inserted to a depth of 14 instead of a 12.5. We repositioned the tube and decided to take an x-ray to make sure it was in the right position. After the x-ray was taken the nurses were busy removing the I.V. from her groin and pulling the catheter from her bladder. I stepped into the hall to speak with Dave and when I came back in they told me the results of the x-ray. It showed that Ashley had something they call plural effusion at the base of her lungs. They explained to me that this was a pocket of fluid that had collected and the left lung was worse than the right. The fluid would have to be drained. Now the inablility to take Ashley off of the vent this morning began to make sense to everyone. She was not able to breathe on her own because of the fluid pockets. Even though things were not happening the way I had wanted them to, I can now see His protection on my sweet Ashley. Had we pushed her and tried to take the ventilator away she would have surely failed and we would be faced with a very ugly situation tonight. I am just so grateful for His protection! He knows things and sees things that I don 't, and this is why I must trust Him with Ashley . I may not always understand His ways, but I know that I can trust them. They are now preparing to place a chest tube into Ashley's left lung and allow the fluid to drain out. My heart is breaking once again for the discomfort she will endure and my stomach is feeling sick. At the same time, I am in awe of His protection in her daily life. Please pray for Ash as she must once again endure another uncomfortable procedure.

There are days when I wonder just how much more she can take. There are times when I don't find the answers I am looking for. There are moments when I would like to scream for her. There are days and events and situation in her recovery that I may never understand, but today I am trying to focus on His protective and loving hands that He has wrapped around my daughter. As I lay my head on her pillow and kiss her soft cheek I cry for the pain she will go through tonight, but in the end He is still protecting her. I am still trusting.