Preparing to go

As I sit to type my thoughts and the days events, Dave is in the room with Ash preparing to go. He is trying to arrange an early morning flight to leave Omaha around 5:00a.m. and arrive in Longview by 10:00. I can't even imagine how hard it will be for him to leave this time knowing how sick his little gherkin is. We feel it is necessary for him to be back home before Blake and Al come home from school. They are beginning to feel the stress of us all being so far away and my heart broke today as I could here it in their voices. He is planning on spending the evening playing with them, and making up for missing out on their "Monday Night Wrestling Match". This is the new tradition that takes place in our living room each week now that mom doesn't live there to get on to anyone. I try not to envision all of the things that have probably been broken over the past 10 weeks.

We have decided to let our room here at the hospital go for now and I will be moving mine and Ashley's things into her room here in the PICU. Now that we will be paying for our apartment there is just no way to afford both. The only thing I used the room for was to take a shower in, so it really isn't that big of a deal. There is a public shower here in the family waiting room that I will start to use. Ash and I will not even be living in the apartment until she is able to be discharged from the hospital again. The apartment complex worked very hard to have ours ready by the 6th because we were supposed to be moving into it this week. I try not to think of that too much because it just makes me sad when I realize how close we actually were to having a more normal life. At lunch today Dave and I were able to talk about a lot of things. Actually he did most of the talking while I sat there and cried. In the end we have decided that God must not be finished with us here in the PICU just yet. Perhaps we are meant to stay around here for a little while longer. At one point during our conversation I wondered out loud why we hadn't been made rich if the Lord knew we would be living the life of transplant. I was just wondering why we didn't have a billion dollars like Oprah does? Then Dave brought it all into perspective for me. If we had a billion dollars and did not have any financial burdens during this time then we would have missed out on the blessings that come from relying on God. How true! I am blessed daily as I watch the Lord provide for my family during this time. We would have missed out on so much! When I sit and think about all He has done and is doing I can honestly say that we wouldn't have it any other way. God does provide above and beyond our needs on a daily basis. He is so generous to us and has blessed us so very much over the last couple of months through His body of believers. He is good, and we are so grateful.

My heart aches and I feel sick when I think about being here alone with Ash again. Dave makes me smile even during the toughest of times. He just has a way of being exactly what I need when I need it. My prayer is that Ashley will improve more and more as the holidays approach. I am praying that she will be off of the ventilators and sitting up and playing by the time Blake and Allison arrive. I know we will be here for Christmas and that is o.k. because we will all be together. That is what is most important to us. I am counting the days until the kids arrive. Only 18 more to go! I can't wait. Thank you for loving my Ashley today and for following along with her story. I realize how hard it has been over the last 5 days. Just know that I appreciate each of you for continuing to show up on this website. You strengthen me with your words, your prayers, and your presence.