Missing Her

Today has been so very difficult for Dave and I. There is nothing about our Ashley that looks the same. We have now lost every feature of her face and her body is so fluid overloaded. They have estimated that she has an extra liter of fluid on board. She is so swollen and it looks so painful. Her eyes are so swollen that they can't even get them open to place the drops in them to keep them from being scratched. Her tiny lips have been stretched so tight because of the fluid that the corners of her mouth are now bleeding. My heart is heavy and broken as I sit by her bed searching for any sign of who she is. We are in a tough spot right now.

No changes have been made on the ventilator today. We have not made any progress. She is just sitting in the same spot as the night when she was first placed on it. We are praying for her respiratory issues to stabilize so that she might start to improve. The days are long as we wait next to her bed. So many things run across our minds, but they are difficult to talk about. Dave and I just sit in silence and listen to the machines hum.

As I was visiting with Skyler's mom this evening she reminded me of when the Lord asked Abraham, "Is there anything to hard for God?" Oh, how I needed to hear those words. This set back has been the toughest so far, but it is still not too hard for the God that I believe in to handle. With just a single word He could turn this situation around. He is in total control of every breath that Ashley takes. Faith, Hope, and Trust are what we have to believe in. I have Faith that there is a God who loves my Ashley, I have hope that He will heal her and restore her, and I place my Trust in Him to hold her during this time. Beyond these things I have nothing else. I am at His mercy to bring back to me the child who I feel as though I am losing. I miss her with everything inside of me tonight. I miss her face. I miss her little eyes that sparkle with her spirit. I miss her smile. I miss her voice. I miss her cry. I miss holding her. I miss smelling her sweet hair. I miss placing kisses on her forehead. I miss seeing her reach out for me. I miss Ashley. She is here, but yet she is gone. I look forward to the day when she wakes up and starts to come back to us.

Once again I will ask for your prayers for our Ashley. As you go to church tomorrow I will ask that you please place her on the prayer lists. If you do not attend church tomorrow I will ask when she comes to your mind if you would please just whisper her name to the Father. It doesn't take a lot of fancy words. I know He can see our hearts and I know He sees the intent behind each and every prayer. Thank you for checking on her tonight. I appreciate your time, your thoughtfullness, your love, and your prayers. Trish