Critical

Things are not going well at this point. Ashley is not stable but now critical. They are running everything they can think of into her little body trying to catch up . They have now determined she has a sepsis. This means that she has an infection running throughout her entire body. The surgeon is in the room attempting to place an art line. He is having trouble finding a palpable pulse on her. It is not certain but suspected that she has aspirated into her lungs once again. She is showing pnuemonia in both lungs at this point. The plan for now is to try and stabilize her again. Once she is stable and well from this infection, then we will begin talking about going into surgery to try and find a way to make it possible for her to eat. Right now that is a long way away from where we are today.

I wish now that I had spent Wednesday taking pictures and videoing my little Ashely. She was absolutely precious and we enjoyed many, many hours of playtime, naptime, rocking chair time, and just Mommy time. I wish I could rewind time and go back to that day. I would have never put her down. Not for one moment of that day. Today I find myself in a very scary place. I asked if we could get her back from this and the answer was if they catch up in time. My heart aches like I never knew was possible. I have a pain deep inside of me that is unimagineable. I just want to see her happy. The crys and screams of last nights events will haunt me forever. She eventually began to growl in the saddest, scariest sound of desperation I have ever heard. Then she just gave up and allowed them to do what needed to be done. I miss her smile and the awnry look in her eyes. I miss holding her and touching her. I miss her just being her.

Please pray for my very sick baby. She is fighting the good fight. She is tough and strong and stubborn. I know she will come back from this. Today is just a bad day. I am praying for a better tomorrow.