Expectations

I would have never "expected for things to move so quickly for Ashley. After such a long wait (almost 9 full weeks of not eating) we are now approaching FULL FEEDS! Now for the really great news, tomorrow morning the plan is to turn OFF her TPN. I definitely did not "expect" this to happen. It will be the first time since Ash was 11 days old that she will not be receiving it. I am speechless!(I know Dave would have never "expected" that to happen!) There are so many things I want to write, but honestly can't find the words. As happy and excited as I am, we are still trying to balance it all with a dose of reality. Things can and do change, but for the moment I am ecstatic!


Ashley's x-rays showed no signs of aspiration into the lungs, and the feeding tube is still in its place. We have no answers for the vomiting, but we will just learn how to live with it. This is definitely not what we had "expected" to happen, but so far nothing has really been what we "expected" it to be. Sometimes that is really o.k. For 13 years I prayed for Ashley and I never one time thought or "expected" that God would bring us such a medically fragile child, but I am so thankful He did. I would have never dreamed or "expected" that I could love someone as much as I love my Ashley. I would have never "expected" that my tiny baby could do such big things. I would have never "expected" that she could be so wonderful. I would have never "expected" her to teach me life's lessons as opposed to me teaching them to her. I would have never "expected" for her to teach me about really and truly trusting God. I was supposed to teach her that. I would have never "expected" that I would be living alone with her away from Dave, Blake and Allie. I would have never "expected" that as we chose our apartment last week that we would actually be living in it this month! I would have never "expected" to be able to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to others who are hurting. I would have never "expected" to have such an amazing story of love, grace, compassion, sacrifice, selflessness, and brotherly love to tell. I would have never "expected" to make such wonderful friends and meet such wonderful people during this journey. I would have never "expected" that He would choose me to be her mommy. I would have never "expected" any of these things and so much more, but how grateful I am that He did. If we had walked this road according to my "expectations" we would have missed so very much. Thank you Father for "expecting" so much more than I did. I will never be the same.