Growing

Tonight as I type I listen to my son hum a lullabye to his baby sister. How precious it is to me to watch the relationships Ash has with her big brother and her big sister growing. Early this evening I sat and rocked our sweet Ashley and just watched and listened to the inter action between our children. As I listened I found the smile on my face and in my heart growing. I found my love for the three of them growing. I found my gratitude to the Father growing. I found my joy inside growing. I found this feeling, a feeling of contentment growing. I found my faith growing. There are no words that can begin to describe how good it feels to be home.

Our Ashley is growing. Our hearts are growing. Our love is growing. Our thankfullness is growing. Our humbled hearts are growing. Our bank of memories is growing. Our moments with our baby are growing. Our blessings are growing. Our family is growing.

Growth can not come without change. I have always been resistant to have things change, but I have learned that without change there is no growth. Our Ashley's struggles have changed us. They have grown us in ways that would have never been possible without them. When I look back through her journal and read some of the changes we have gone through my eyes tear up and my heart grows. My love, my fear, my respect, my debt, my reverance, my gratitude, my awe for who God truly is grows. How painful it has been to grow. Growing pains are real. It is not easy to change who we are. It hurts and it is hard, but to look back now and see what He has done in her life and in her story makes me thankful that He knew how much we needed to grow.

Ashley's struggles are not gone just because we have made it home. She is still battling cancer and she is still learning to live within the restrictions of transplant life. There is still much growing to be done in all of us, but it all seems ok now that we are together again. I don't know what He has in store for her future. I just know that she has one. It may be short. I pray that it is long. It is because of the growing He has done in me that I can look to Him and say I am willing to keep growing no matter what it holds.