Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

6/23/2007

Take Care

Thank you for being here. I'm tired and God knows that. I appreciate each of you who have loved our Ashley. I have no interest in writing a book. Never did. Never will. I am who I am. I am saved by grace, married to Dave, mom to Blake, Al, and Ash. Your presence has never been taken for granted only deeply appreciated. Your opinions of me are your opinions and you are entitled to them. I will not try and defend myself, but if my family is attacked then you will see me as I struggle to extend grace while I come to their defense. If it is "venomous" then I apologize again. Never my intent to be hurtful. Thank you again for spending your time on my Ashley. I hesitate to say that I will be praying about the direction of Ashley's journal, please don't worry about her. If anything happens I will let you know. Take care. Trish

27 Comments:

At 10:45 AM , Blogger Amy T said...

Praying for you and God's guidance. Nothing any of us say can heal the hurts caused by others. But feel our love and our prayers and follow where God leads. God bless you and Ashley Kate, and Dave, and Blake, and Allison.

 
At 12:13 PM , Blogger AJ said...

I've only commented to you once or twice, but pray for you and your family daily! You are often in my thoughts as I tend to my three kids, one is the same age as your Ashley.

I ache for you because of careless words of others who don't sign their names.

Our Heavenly Father knows the condidtions of our hearts, understands ALL of our fears and gives us strength to climb mountians we never thought we could

His strength in you is evident in the way you care for you family.

God bless you and your sweet family.

 
At 1:13 PM , Blogger renovating this heart said...

Trish, I'm sure you're nervous to even start reading comments now... for fear of what you will find. Well, just so you know, this is a good one that does not unjustifiably put you down, so keep reading.... :)

This just hurts my heart. I don't even know what to say. I just know that I don't even *know* you but I love you and I admire you. No Christian walk is without fear... for someone to suggest that you are not a true Christian because you are honest about your very human feelings is insane. Of course these are your giants, of course you feel moments of terror over your sweet baby... any human would... that is WHY we need the Lord. And you make that clear with every post you write. I am so sorry for that person's words. The minute we start to compare our trials with others just undermines our feelings and our need for a Savior just like everyone else.... yes, there are people that maybe have worse situations according to this world, but according to God on High, heartache is heartache and He is present for you and is not sitting up there saying "Trish should really get a handle on this... there are others with much worse!" Yeah right, that is NOT the God we serve.... and Trish, I know from your writing that you are so in touch with our loving Lord. I wish I could take away that person's comment... it just seems so out of line with what God would say to one of his weary children walking this TOUGH road of life. You just keep hanging in there. We are here with you, cheering on your entire family.

And I agree with another commenter.... maybe it's time to block anonymous commenters. Do you know how to do that? It *is* possible and would prevent people from hiding behind controversial words and opinions.... I mean, it's fine for people to have thoughts and opinions, but I don't think it's fair to hide in the dark while you say words that you *know* may hurt another human being.

Much love, Calissa

p.s. Oh, and one more thing, I have NEVER interpreted your posts as "venomous".... that shocked me! If anything, your responses are WAY more grace-filled than mine would be. I really don't know how you could have addressed these issues more gently in the past. And we know how much you appreciate the *nice* comments... you OFTEN talk about how grateful you are that we're reading and praying and following your journey. Just look at the history of posts... almost every single one, the last paragraph consists of you *thanking* everyone for being a part of Ashley's story. The comment that person made that you only talk about the bad stuff is simply UNTRUE.

 
At 1:26 PM , Blogger ivegot5 said...

Trish I'm here every day checking on Ashley Kate and you and Dave and Al and Blake. There have been moments in my life when I truly lived in fear of losing one of my children. God made us, he knew we would be fearful, and he wants us to bring that fear to him. You are so eloquent in describing what you deal with every day and you help those of us who are there or have been there so much. I feel so much for you. I know I don't "know" you, but I would really miss checking in on Ashley Kate and you all. There will always be those stumbling blocks and those negative influences that will try to turn our focus away from our God. I say...if you are doing God's work, the devil is after you. If you weren't helping someone know our God through your situation, Satan would have no reason to bother with you. You are being used as an instrument to do God's work in so many lives, So you should probably expect a few bumps, because others will be used to try and stop your work. I understand if you don't write anymore. But I think I speak for many who would miss you. Just keep your eyes on God and know we are all here supporting you in whatever decision you make.

 
At 2:45 PM , Anonymous Amy Borden said...

Oh Trish ~

It really is a little nauseating when I read those "anonymous" attacks. I cannot imagine how it makes yall feel. I kept a journal on Morgan while she was still in the hospital and I always loved the comments. But, I my readers were only my friends... I did not open my written testimony beyond my circle. You have. And for all of us who care and love to love on you, there will always be the "anonymous" person who lets it roll off their tongue (or fingertips) before they roll it around in their head awhile. Hang in there... we love your family and we want to know how we can pray and celebrate with yall!

 
At 2:55 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Trish, earlier, I did not know what to say to help, but "Renovating this heart" did a great job of putting what I was thinking into words. Just wanted to add that.

 
At 3:54 PM , Blogger Mayhem And Miracles said...

I haven't found the right words to comment but just want you and David to know that Mom, myself, and the kids (Greg's gone helping a neighbor) have been praying for you all today. Sorry your heart has had to endure so much.

 
At 3:59 PM , Blogger Becky & Tim said...

Trish,

Perhaps a way to help cut down on these heartless people who throw their careless words around is to not allow anonymous postings. Is that possible?

I come to visit with your sweet Ashley sometimes several times a day. Prayers go up to the Father often. I will continue to pray, even if you don't continue to post.

Sending love to your entire family.

 
At 4:03 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

TRISH,
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME TO COMMENT, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME THROUGH YOUR WORDS IN THIS BLOG, I STRUGGLE WITH HEALTH ISSUES AND MANY TIMES WANT TO GIVE UP, BUT YOUR WORDS OF ENCOURAGMENT AND TRUTH HAVE BLESSED ME AND DIRECTED ME TO OUR FATHER. PLEASE KNOW THE DEVIL WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO CLOSE THIS BLOG WHERE OTHERS COULD NOT HEAR THE TRUTH OF HIS GRACE AND MERCY, YOUR A WONDERFUL CHILD OF GOD AND THANKS FOR SHARING THE STRUGGLES AND THE TRIUMPS, IN HIS LOVE MARY F

 
At 4:06 PM , Blogger jtcosby said...

I hope you do not stop posting due to some hateful person who can't see what true Christianity is about..you are loved from all over and I for one, appreciate your candidness...you are so amazing...we love you!!!

 
At 5:25 PM , Blogger Sherri said...

I understand your struggles. It sounds to me like, as unbelievable as it seems, this person is rather jealous of you; your life, your insight, your success, and in an effort to make herself/himself feel better about themselves, they had to try to find something to attack about you. In my opinion, they failed. It only makes you look sweeter, more gracious, and forgiving than ever. I appreciate you, Trish, and all that you have shared and taught me through Ashley's Journey. I'll continue to pray faithfully, and check back several times a day. :)

 
At 5:35 PM , Blogger SusanM said...

First off, thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us! Daily, I come to check on and pray for you all. As a mom of a special needs child myself, you have taught me so many things. First, that HIS grace is sufficent and HIS timing is HIS alone. I appreciate how you are so open and honest, not sugar coating anything. The love your family has for each other is evident! Please prayfully consider allowing us all to continue to be a part of this special blog!

 
At 5:39 PM , Blogger Edith said...

Trish

I'm so sorry you are continuing to have to deal with these negative attacks - Your words - and Dave's are such a blessing to so many - myself included. I look forward to checking on you all daily and would miss hearing how you all are doing. I can also understand needing to step away from the pain...know you are loved and prayed for by many.

edith

www.photogal938.blogspot.com

 
At 6:10 PM , Anonymous Suzanne said...

Not going to give attention to the comment of "anonymous". We have all sinned & fallen short.... )=

(Praying for you & your sweet family....& know I enjoy your honesty....because none of us are perfect....only HE is. We each have our weaknesses & our sinful ways that we hope with HIS help ....each day we can be more like HIM. We are weak but HE is strong..... ) Much Love in Christ.....praying....

 
At 6:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have only commented rather sparingly, but you, Ashley, and your family have been in my prayers and on my heart.

I want to just take the time out to say that the honesty in speaking of your weaknesses on this blog makes God's power shine out all the brighter.

I want to thank you for that.

So many times when incredibly difficult trials befall a person, and everyone watches as that person continues to look to the Lord, they get the impression that there is never a time you are hurting, vulnerable, weak, and scared in God's loving arms. If people don't see this precious glimpse into your soul, they cannot relate to you on a personal level and apply the lessons you have learned to their own lives.

So I just want to thank you. It takes a lot of humility, and a lot of trust in your readers that they won't hurt you with their comments. May the Lord bless you for using the situation of your family to bring glory to Him.

 
At 7:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't even know what to say. God, search our hearts. Get rid of all hypocrisy. Let the words of our mouth and the meditation of our heart please you Lord for out of the abundance of the heart speak the words of our mouth. Help each one of us to weigh our words carefully.

 
At 9:23 PM , Blogger Judy said...

Hi Trish, you do not know me, but I am part of the benefit on June 30th for Ashley. I have kept up with everything that has happened and having to happen with baby Ashley, Cindy has done an awesome job on keeping everyone updated on everything and there are friends and fans of some of the artists coming in from out of state that have been in constant love and prayer over Ashley knowing that God has laid his hands upon her and has given her life over anything else and I praise God for that. I do not know what happened to make your mother claws come out, but I do know from being a mother of 2 and coming within 4 hours of losing one of my own, how scary looking at the death of one of your own children can be and how that mother instinct and love comes out at any sign of a threat. Like I said, I do not know what transpired and has happened, but maybe it was not a direct bad thing directed towards you or the whole family. I know I myself said some pretty rotten things directed at certain people when I was faced with losing my daughter and I did not mean any of it, but at that moment in time, nothing else mattered. I am almost also sure that you yourself may have said or done something at some point in time that you have had to ask forgiveness for that you did not mean and probably did not know what you had even said until after the fact. Thank God for God because he knows our hearts and our intentions, good or bad, and is just and fair to forgive us. I just know that sometimes our mother instincts come in and take over and sometimes the claws come out before we know what really was said or really happened. Anyway, I hope that I did not make you mad, I am just trying to share feelings and things that have happened in my life and how God showed be and brought me thru these things. I am looking forward to next weekend and to raising the Adams family as much money as we can to help with the life endeavors that has been handed you and the blessings that God has already given and will continue to give. God Bless
Judy Pendergraft

 
At 10:16 PM , Blogger Sun said...

I am praying. May God comfort you and protect you! I wish I could help deflect the blows of others words - my family adores you and appreciates your willingness to open this journal to outsiders - no one should judge until they have walked in your shoes...it is so easy to say what you should or should not do - but we are not you.

 
At 10:19 PM , Blogger Sandy said...

Trish - I really hope you don't stop posting because of the negative comment that the brave "anonymous" left. I come everyday and read about Ashley and see how you are doing. I don't think you realize how many people actually come here EVERYDAY but don't always leave a comment. You are a sweetheart and don't let anyone make you feel differently. This is YOUR blog and Ashley's and what a wonderful story she is going to be able to read when she grows up. You have an huge heart and I know he hurts when people leave such negative comments but Trish, there are so many more "good" people out there than bad. Please don't stop posting your heart...that's what makes your blog so "real". But should you decide to stop, please know that we will all be thinking about you more than you will ever know.

 
At 10:47 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Trish,

I'm also someone you don't know who reads your journal. I found it when googling because my son appeared to need "replacement parts", and we live in Nebraska and doctor in Omaha for our son's surgical needs.

I grew up in the south, and this may be a very big stretch, but I think part of what happened with the "anonymous" comment has to do with a bit of a culture gap. People in both the north and the south are wonderful, but they communicate very differently sometimes.

We've lived here for 20 years. About 12 years ago, some friends of ours moved south, and when I saw them several months later and asked how they liked it (expecting enthusiasm), the husband said, "People there feel fake to me. If someone asks me, 'How are you?' and I give them a genuine answer, they look at me like I have two heads. They ask but don't really care. You'll see someone you KNOW is hurting respond with, 'Just fine.' It's all so fake."

I was shocked. To me, that was just a question equivalent to a greeting.

You write like a southern girl speaks, and I am completely at ease reading it. You say, "My sweet Ashley Kate" and it's just natural. Here, it almost seems like it's superfluous when someone uses lots of super-sweet adjectives and middle names.

To someone who doesn't hear people "speak" as you write on a daily basis, your phrases may come across as being showy and 'dressed up' as though it's an exaggerated bit of emoting for the sake of sounding more sigh-worthy than someone who has been through so much would have the energy to *be*.

I understand that your method of communication is absolutely natural and second-nature for you. You probably greet people by saying, "Hey, how ya doin'?" and expect the natural response to be, "Fine, how're you?" ;)

I've just found that the farther north you go, the more cut and dried the communication. Few adverbs, few adjectives... just the facts. Just first names. Calling someone "Ma'am" very well might be seen as sassing rather than showing respect.

There truly is sincerity, and the brevity shouldn't be mistaken for curtness. It's just a different communication style, and I think your anonymous communicator probably hasn't traveled further south than Wichita to "know" that you write with normalcy for your geographic region. You're not being flowery for the sake of fluff... it's just normal verbage for a Texan.

I'm sorry you had to be subjected to the comments, whether or not my culture-gap assumption is correct. The commenter was way out of line with her presumptive statements. She certainly didn't communicate well herself...and that speaks volumes.

 
At 11:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon that posted at 10:47 PM is my kind of person! She didn't judge yet looked for a reason and I believe that she is, in her honesty, taking the time to explain a great possibility. I do feel, after reading it all, that the "other" anon wasn't trying to be hurtful, but honest, maybe even concerned. Maybe even an older woman trying to guide a younger. I have seen a lot of hurt feelings in these pages and people jumping to rub the bruises for each other. Does this mean that the direction is in fact on someone and not where it should be? Every one should calm down, stop feeding this and jumping onto what is probably a good person meaning well. If you, Trish,if you are writing for your daughter's journey, you will keep writing. If not...you will stop letting us know about the baby? Why not give us an update tonight, you have not done that yet. Keep on doing what you do. We will keep reading.
Nacogdoches, Texas

 
At 12:04 AM , Blogger Paulette said...

Trish,
May I say if God has given you the awesome ability to love and care for Ashley in such an awesome way, he can give you the strength to deal with the thundermuffins and Joy stealers as well.
You rest because you are tired, then you come back and keep jounaling for YOU and ASHLEY and your family. Please concider just deleting negative comments and accept our support for your family.
God has sent more to support you than the few who are negative.
God Bless.

 
At 12:10 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your kind words, anon from Nachadoches. I have a handful of friends from Wisconsin, and to a southerner, they'd seem like social sandpaper because there is no messing around with their words. I've come to appreciate the bluntness (sometimes!) but am keenly aware that they don't know the meaning of the word 'finesse.' Actually, they probably know the meaning... but find it an offensive tactic.

The culture clash that occurs when you have someone from my neck of the woods speaking with what I consider manners, intended to help people understand my meaning without potentially sounding offensive...wow. It is often met with looks of confusion. People just say what they mean and don't try to sugar coat it for the sake of expressing feelings or protecting feelings.

I understand why someone from the north might feel like they were reading someone's book here, rather than an "update." They'd be looking for details about her condition, not reflections on the bigger questions of life or expressions of any kind. They'd tend to say, "Ashley was a little better today. She threw up three times but that's to be expected. I can't help but be nervous about it, though. Thanks for your prayers. God is in control, and hope it's His will that things continue to get better. We'll let you know how she does tomorrow."

That'd be that. Anything more would come off as an opportunity to impress people with writing skills, a play for attention, and an opportunity to turn the facts of the situation into a drama.

I'm now absolutely comfortable hearing/reading both styles, and am comfortable relating to both. There's not a region of people that is really "nicer" than others... there are just different expectations about the purpose of conversation.

My guess is that the other anon commenter is someone Trish encountered while in the hospital who spent time with her on a "regular" basis... saw her in the trenches, saw her dealing with medical issues, spoke to her about counts and sats, saw her cry... and who feels like *those* facts are reality, and the reflections spoken here with embellished verbage (not as in lies or exaggerated, but rather given color with accurate adjectives) aren't the "nitty gritty." Someone used to - or even having witnessed - the "nitty gritty" in person might find the reflective writing such a contrast that it doesn't seem like a truthful recounting of the events.

When I read the comment, that's really what first struck me... the commenter just doesn't *get* that Trish's discussing her own feelings about the situation, rather than sticking to facts about Ashley's condition, is not necessarily mis-directed communication. It's just *different*. And if I'm correct, it's highly likely that the person is well-meaning and just doesn't "get it."

 
At 6:54 AM , Blogger Shannon said...

I am another who reads this journal daily and am so very blessed by it. You and your family are truly an inspiration to me and I thank you for putting your story here for us to be blessed by. I'm praying for you as you decide what to do and pray that God clearly shows you His plan.

Blessings to you,
Shannon

 
At 7:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Trish. It appears there was a Goliath waiting on the next hill to mock you and your faith. And he came in the form and chose to be Anonymous. Judy

 
At 12:10 AM , Blogger Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

I'm going to be honest, Trish--I believe that trying to come up with an excuse for why Anonymous was so ugly is nonsense. No offense to anybody else. What Anonymous wrote in that post was absolutely uncalled-for, regardless of "culture gaps" or "falling short" or whatever. It was entirely mean-spirited and should've never been written. I will not stand by idly and watch you be bashed, and I will not make excuses for the person who did it. Friends stand up for friends.

This is your blog. Ashely is your child. You have done an amazing job with both. Keep on keeping on, and know that there are those of us who continue to pray for you and cheer for Ashley and admire your shining example.

And I'm sorry it has been a while since I've left you a comment--I have family visiting from out of town, and have been a little swamped!

 
At 8:37 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wanted to return quickly this morning (as I'm on my way to Omaha myself to take my son for a check-up about his surgery) to say something that I see Stephanie has actually articulated already. While I was trying to come up with an explanation for *why* someone might think the way they did, I forgot to emphasize there is no excuse for their poor behavior, and that they would come here and say what they did *on* your blog is evidence that regardless of differences in communication, they're obviously classless and cowardly. If they sincerely believed what they wrote, were truly concerned, and weren't trying to just stir a pot, they'd have emailed privately. The fact that they chose to try to point out what they perceive to be a "problem" in this forum just shows that their heart is not remotely inclined towards anything pure.

I do hope you'll continue this journal. Ever since I went googling for information on the facility in which I believed our son would find himself, I've been coming back time and time again to see how Ashley is progressing. I was almost disappointed to see you'd left Omaha before my son's May surgery, as I was hoping to find a way to pop in and meet you and see your little cutie. Your story has been an inspiration, and I do hope you'll choose to ignore the very few Mrs. Kravitz's out there who can't keep their noses in their own yards. Our prayers continue to be with you!

 

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