Melting Hearts

I think we all needed this puppy. From the sounds of it she has melted the hearts of all who have met her. I'm not sure if it is the dog or the reaction of our daughter, but either way its been good for us all. Even when we don't admit it our hearts are hurting. Some days we all just keep going and try not to dwell on the hurt or the disappointment we feel. From Dave and I, to Blake and Al, to the heart of our parents, at some level we all hurt over our sweet Ashley Kate's struggles.

Tonight a little of the hurt melted if only for brief moments as Allison discovered her puppy hiding in her bathroom as she came in. "What?" Dave heard her say. "This isn't Nan's puppy. This one is white!" Out she came smiling ear to ear holding tightly to this little bundle of Hope. I wish I had been there. When I called tonight she answered the phone and said, "Hello". "Hi, baby! What'cha doing?" I asked her. "I LOVE HER! I REALLY DO." I could hear the smile on her face coming through her voice.

I just got off the phone with her again. She still can't believe this puppy is hers. She is in love and the pain in her heart has melted away tonight. She announced to her daddy that, "this was the best thing you and mommy ever did for me. Except giving me life of course!" She and her daddy are sitting on her bed playing dress up. Not with barbie dolls or polly pockets, but with Hope. "She needs jammies." Allie told him. We don't happen to have any. Yet. She settled on a pink cheerleading hoodie for Hope to sleep in. My heart is smiling just knowing how happy Allie is. What a blessing it is to be able to put smiles on our children's faces. Nothing quite compares. Whether it be Ashley Kate finding her new copy of Goodnight Moon yesterday(it was supposed to be a stocking stuffer), or taking Blake to meet Pudge(still one of the best days of his life!), or giving a little bundle of Hope to my oldest daughter who desperately wanted something to love. I love being their mom.

I so look forward to returning to our home with Ashley Kate. I just long to be near all three of the children. To tuck them into their beds each night. To listen to them talk. To see them hang out together. To hear all the details of their days. I hope that God allows us to go home for Christmas. I hope that we receive our pass this week. I hope we are all decorating our tree this Saturday as Ashley Kate plays on the living room floor. I guess Hope has kind of renewed a little of the hope I had let slip away.

Ashley looks better than she has in over 2 months. I am so thankful to see her playing, not struggling to breathe, not grunting from her aches and pains. Her lab work looked pretty good today. She needed a little magnesium so we went to the treatment center for a bolus. Her BUN has returned to a normal level for the first time in months. Her kidneys are obviously reacting well to the medication change. Unfortunately the change has caused her stooling to increase. I have no idea how long it will take for her bowel to adjust after this whole rejection thing. At this point I am replacing large amounts of fluid through her central line and this could go on for months. No one wants us to go home with this line, but we need to live in our home, not this hotel. I am praying for good things to happen this week and for soft hearts that say, "Go home for a few days or even a week." What a blessing that would be.

Well, I suppose I am ready to snuggle up next to this beautiful baby who is all tucked in with her pink, "footie" jammies and rosy cheeks. She just looks so sweet. Each time I kiss her little forehead my heart melts a little more as I love her more deeply than I did the time before. Allies is snuggled up next to her Hope and Blake is snuggled in with Nan's puppy. Dave is left with nothing to snuggle up with except a memory that will last a life time. That little puppy in her zebra striped dress has melted his heart as well, or maybe is was the smile on his little girls face. Either way he feels blessed and that blesses me.

We will all sleep a little better tonight with the hope in our hearts that this weekend Ashley Kate and I might slip into that little Texas town we like to call home. Take care my friends and rest well. Trish

P.S. Hope is a Maltese and she is not expected to be more than 4 or 5 pounds when she is full grown. She will not shed and she is said to become a very loving, gentle house pet. Our research said she would attach to one person in the family and that was our hope for Allie. Perfect for our needs for Ashley Kate as well as Allison Brooke. We have spent an entire year researching and this was the breed that came the most recommended for Ash's special needs. We feel very, very blessed to have her.