Back Again

I honestly do not know what we are going to do. The vomiting has returned. Full force. It makes NO sense to me. She coughs. She becomes nauseated. She vomits. Not feedings. Only mucus, but we are here in this place, battling back from a major lung injury because of this very thing. She was vomiting, obviously aspirated, and got an aspiration pneumonia and became critically ill. What are we going to do?

No one knows why she is doing it. Again we brought it to the attention of the NP this afternoon. "Flush her g tube. Its probably clogged and then put it to drainage." Ok, been there and done this multiple times and it doesn't work, but we will do it again. And..nothing. We have done it all afternoon and it made no difference. It happened twice yesterday. Four times so far today. I'm am very, very concerned.

How in the world can she not vomit for the past 2o something days and then her cough returns night before last and now the vomiting begins? I was told the best guess was that while she was on the ventilator she was sedated. Then as she came off of it she was still on some medications to help her with the withdraw and now that we have her on hardly any of those calming meds it has fired up again. I have no idea if this really makes sense or not, but thats the "stab" that was made today.

All I know is that vomiting is a symptom. It is not a cause. Your body vomits as a result of something being wrong. It is a way that our bodies communicate letting us know something is up. We NEED to know WHY she is vomiting. What is causing it to happen. This could keep us in Omaha longer than we had hoped. The more it happens the more concerned and the more disappointed I am becoming. I had really hoped it was all behind us and that somehow she wouldn't be doing it anymore since this last episode of illness.

On the other front, the fluid has come to a complete halt. Not ONE, SINGLE drop has exited into the new bag that was attached around 12:30. Highly suspicious. Where is all the fluid going all of a sudden? Is is collecting in the lung and not able to empty anymore? Will she be back in respiratory distress by tomorrow? Has it finally healed and she is really on the road to recovery? If it has then that is more than amazing! She is being watched closely tonight. Lots of listening to those lungs. Keeping a sharp eye on her oxygen saturations. Counting respirations and watching to see if she is "working too hard" as she breathes. So far so good. Nothing out of the ordinary concerning her breathing.

So tonight I sit and wonder why in the world it is back again. What does this mean for Ashley Kate, her recovery, her transfer, her discharge, her life? This pneumonia was very, very serious and things could have gone the other way at any point and we know how blessed we are that she is here. There are days, times, moments when I want to scream, to throw a fit, to demand that things change for her. Then there are moments when I feel nothing but numb. Finally those moments come to me where I sit, surrender and do nothing more than cry for my daughter. I can't heal her. I can't make things better. I can't do anything other than what I already do. I love her. I take care of her. I pray for her. I appreciate her.

I have no idea what happens from this point. I suppose tomorrow may bring an answer?