Still My Job

One of the most difficult parts of having Ashley Kate hospitalized is the feeling that I have lost my job. As I visited with one of the nurse managers yesterday I shared with her how difficult it is to be here, but yet feel as though "they"(whomever that may be) don't really want you here. To be made to feel as though you are in the way or as though you are doing something wrong when in all actuality I am just doing my job.

On different occasions during different hospitalizations I have actually been told things that cause my heart to wonder how in the world things have gotten to this point in the world.

"We're not used to having moms in the room asking lots of questions. We usually just come in and do whatever we want because the parents aren't here. Having to explain things is really different for us."

"Have you ever considered that your presence makes this hard on Ashley? She would probably do better without you in here once she got used to it." (In all honesty I WANTED to hit this lady)

"I would rather be taking care of a patient who is really sick or who needs us to take care of them. Since your doing all the cares for her and all were doing is handing you formula it seems kind of wrong." (By the way, I couldn't agree more with this person. I'm not here because we asked to be.)

So I shared with the manager that I didn't cease being Ashley Kate's mom when she became a patient. Just because she is lying in the hospital bed and not her bed doesn't mean that I take a vacation. The nurses in this hospital and all the others are here to care for patients and I understand that. There are many times when I need their expertise and advise when taking care of Ash, but they are not babysitters. I highly resent them being treated or being expected to be just that. Ashley Kate has a mom and a dad and it is our job to take care of her.

Changing her diaper. Still my job.

Caring for her ostomy. Still my job.

Central line. Still my job.

Drawing her lab work. Still my job.

Giving her bath. Still my job.

Administering meds. Still my job.

Filling feeding pump bags. Still my job.

Checking her temperature and blood pressure. Still my job.

Playing with her. Still my job.(there are actually people who are hired to play with our children while they are in the hospital)

I do all of these things on a daily basis when we are at home because I am her mom. Since when did becoming a patient make those things no longer my job? I don't understand? Who decided mom's are to hand over their responsibilities because their children became ill?

I completely understand that there are children in hospitals without moms or dads. Who have no families to stay with them or help take care of them. I completely understand that there are times when parents are forced to work and are not able to be here with their children. It breaks my heart to see the situations like this(and there are many of them). I thank God that our situation is not like that. I thank Him that Ashley Kate does not have to spend alone in a hospital bed without one of her parents. I know we are blessed and I don't take that for granted.

In a perfect world, in a perfect hospital (if I can pretend that there would be such a thing) the parents would be made to feel as though they were a welcome part of the team. They would be encouraged to continue doing all of the things they would do for their children at home. They would be taught and trained to do the things that may be new in the care for their child. There would be an environment that supported the parents staying in the rooms to care for their children. There would be a partnership between those that were hired by the hospitals and those that keep them in business(meaning the patients and their families). In a perfect world and a perfect hospital.

If you happen to be the parent of a chronically ill child then I know you understand what I am saying. If you don't then you might have a hard time figuring out where this post is going. If you happen to be or have ever been one of our nurses then I would like to say thank you for doing your job and for doing it well. In 2 and 1/2 years the good ones have definitely outweighed the bad ones and I appreciate you for that. For those nurses who have gone the extra mile and become treasured friends of ours, who have cared about our baby on a deeper level than just the 12 hour shift you were assigned, and who have made a difference in our lives I can't say thank you enough. You know who you are and we truly love you for it.