Traveling This Road Together

We jumped into this journey head first, not hesitating, ready to go. Together. Dave and I didn't think twice. We just jumped. Sometimes you know when something is right. You just do. This...we knew was right.

We spent years waiting, praying, hoping God would bless us yet again with a baby. It was our hearts desire. My heart needed it. I just did. His heart was willing. It just was. Its who we were.

So when the phone call came and the words were said that our daughter had been born the night before I called Dave at the office and said. "she's here".

"Who's here?"

"She is. Our baby was born last night. She's tiny. Only 28 weeks, but she's ours if we want her."

No hesitation. None. We jumped. We knew it was right. We knew she was going to be ours.

I can't tell you how much God moved in our hearts those first 2 weeks. A series of events outside of our control ,but always under HIS, led to our baby becoming a ward of the state of Texas rather than just ours in that first day. It was heartbreaking to see how some people could stand in the way of what we knew was right. In the end what they meant for harm, God did mean for our good. He did. But oh how difficult it was to lay our heads down each night wondering how our girl was doing. We called the hospital each night. We told them we loved her. We told them to let her nurse know that she had a family. We told them to treat her as though she were the most valuable thing they had ever touched. Because she was. To us she was.

I still remember the responses on the other end of the line. Just a few days shy of 5 years later I remember. You could almost see them rolling their eyes and whispering, "its them again." My skin began to get thick in those days. It had to. People would whisper, they would question, comment. You name it, we have heard it. Still it didn't matter. We laid in bed each night and talked about "the baby". Dave refused to allow us to call her by name in case something took her from us. That lasted about 2 days. Then he spoke it for the first time and I just smiled. She did it. It only took 2 days. She had him. By the heart. 5years later that relationship is the strongest I've ever witnessed. He loves her like nothing you've ever seen and she loves him just as much if not more. What joy it brings to my heart to watch the two of them together.

This afternoon that daddy will walk through the door to her room here in the PICU. I can't count the number of times I've watched him walk through this door with his backpack. I'll never forget the backpack with the broccoli in it! Never mind that, its the smile on his face, the look in his eyes, the way he hugs me tight in those first few moments, and the gentleness with which he touches our baby that I am looking forward to today.

We are in this together. Much of the time we are separated by 700miles as we walk the paths on this journey, but we couldn't be more together if we were sitting side by side day after day. My heart breaks for my sweet Ashley, it breaks even more for her big brother and sister, but it breaks the most for her daddy. NOBODY loves Ash in the same way as her daddy. His heart is hurting. He can't bring himself to talk to me about things over the phone. He reads the journal each day, cries his tears privately in his office, says his prayers, and puts on a face for his patients to get through the day. At night he counts down the number of days it is until he will see her again.

Its going to be a good day. Its going to be a hard day. We are meeting with members of the transplant team this afternoon to discuss all that is happening, all that will be happening, and all that could potentially be happening to our daughter. We will begin to prepare our hearts, talk about direction, and pray like we've never prayed before. Praying for a miracle to take place. It could happen. I just don't think this journey is supposed to end. Her daddy believes in her. I do too. We just need the rest of the world and this transplant team to join us. Keep spreading the word. We owe you all more than we could ever repay for traveling with us. I know its hard. I really do. I thank you from the heart of our family. I thank you on behalf of our tiny gherkin whom if she could understand would want to thank you too. Love you all. Trish