Could It Be?

This morning Ash's fever has broke. Her heart rate is finally down to the 130 range(over the weekend it began in the 170's and has consistently been over 150 for days). She removed the oxygen from her face during the night and is holding sats in the 96% range. Her respiration's are slowing from the fast, rapid, exhausting kind to a more relaxed and less violent pace. Still elevated, but much easier to watch. She has gone 3 hours this morning without pain medication and looks to be comfortable. She is coughing well and moving the junk out of her lungs. Whimpering slightly every once in a while, but overall quiet.

Could it be that today is the day this infection begins to turn itself around? Oh, how I hope today is that day. I'm convinced that without this infection brewing inside of her that we could have been home by weeks end. This whole septic issue slowed her progress, delayed her line placement, and kept us here battling for a while longer.

If this infection could leave her body and if they can find a place to tunnel a functioning central line then we can make plans to fly her out of here and back toward home. At that time and only at that time can we even begin to think of her future and what direction she will take.

Yesterday I was told, "not lying in her bed. Living." As if my goal was to take her home, tuck her in and leave her there. Its not my intent to leave my daughter lying around in a hospital bed. At one point we thought we were going to have to purchase one in order for her to be in our home again, but I'm not thinking that direction anymore. I think she can make it back to her own bed. I truly do. This child is amazing and her strength awes me. I look forward to the day that I'm kissing her tiny forehead goodnight and pulling up the covers around her in her own big girl bed. I dream of it. I long for it. I hope for it. We may indeed be moving that little bed of hers into our room, or moving some type of bed into hers for me to sleep on, but it will be in our home. That makes all the difference. I'm not sure I could drift off to sleep again without watching her chest rise and fall next to me. Its that image that I fall to sleep to each night while I'm here, and not seeing it would probably cause me to suffer an anxiety attack.

My hope is to have Ash out of bed and sitting in her chair for rounds this morning. If we could show them that yes indeed she is making it out of her bed each day then I think it would go along way in their support of her. They only see her each morning for a few minutes. They don't come by in the afternoons. They don't check on her throughout the day. They only find her sleeping in this bed and I believe they are assuming she has yet to be up. That is not the case. We are getting her up. Even if it were only for 5 minutes in a chair initially, she is stretching herself farther and farther each day. With a 7 inch incision opened from the top to the bottom of her abdominal cavity! If that isn't strength then I guess I've never seen it. She is still only 4 days out from being opened back up. I am extremely proud of this little girl.

I truly hope that this is the day. The day of her making a come back. The day we see some type of twinkle or recognition of our girl that has retreated into the shell of her body. Could it be that Ash shows herself today? If the monitors are any indication then I think she just might join me, if even for a brief moment, in this room today. I'm smiling at the thought.

Oh, by the way heart rate is currently 130, respiration's 39!, oxygenation 95%, temperature 98.5. Hold on kiddo, your doing it!