Happy Birthday Sweet Ashley Kate

My sweet girl,

Today you turn 5. Do you have any idea how miraculous that is all by itself? I wonder if you know how truly amazing your life and your journey has been? Do you know you are a miracle? Do you know you've changed our piece of this world? Do you know you changed me?

Oh, how I love you my beautiful girl. There are no words, only tears as I try and express how very much this mommy loves you. You have always been loved. Always. From the moment we all found out you were here. Even your other mommy, in her own sweet way, loved you Ashley Kate. I could see it in her eyes. I heard it in her voice. I know in my heart that she loved you. "That sweet thing" is what she called you the day I met her, and there has never been a truer statement made. You were sweet to her. You are sweet to me. My sweet Ashley Kate.

Ash, today is not going to be all that I had dreamed of for you. I wish so desperately that it were, but I promise you my girl that I could not love you more than I do today at this moment in your life. You make me so very proud to be your mommy. So proud. I adore you.

As I sit next to this hospital bed and listen to you breathe I think of were you've been in your 5 years and all that you've overcome. To see you back in this place, fighting for each breath and knowing how very precious each one is, causes the tears to flow down my cheeks. Ashley Kate, you amaze me. Your strength, your determination, your drive, your spirit, your everything amazes me. How do you do what you do? I will never understand why you must, but I will forever be grateful that you do.

My hearts desire for you Ash is that you be given the opportunity to have your life back. My birthday wish for you is that some how you be allowed to come home and enjoy being 5 years old. I want to push you on the swing each morning. I want to chase you on your bike each evening. I want to play with you and hold you and sing to you every moment in between. Your joy has been stolen from you and I want so desperately to hand it back to you. To see it in your eyes and watch it in your smile. Ash you so deserve the chance to be 5. You do.

Ashley Kate I couldn't be more proud of the kid you are. I couldn't love you more than I already do. I couldn't imagine my heart, our home, this family, or the world without you in it. Keep fighting my brave girl. You've made it this far and I know you can make it home. I believe somewhere deep inside of me that you deserve another chance at this life. If you keep fighting then so will I. I will see that you are given that chance. And as we watch you live each day of your fifth year your daddy and I will pray you are granted the 6th, and the 7th, and the 8th and I won't ever stop asking that you be given another and another and another.

You changed me the day you were born and I'll never be the same since falling in love with you. Happy birthday baby girl. You deserve it more than anyone I've ever known. May all that your little heart is dreaming of come true sweet baby. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Can you believe that you are 5? You did it. You made it.