A late night trip to Walmart with Allie to get hair ribbon brought with it a reminder of what is truly important.
As we walked to the back of the store I shared with Al the stinging in my heart as I walked past the over stocked shelves of all things Easter related. "My heart hurts every time I see all of this. How I wish Ash could skip, and run, and gather as many eggs as her little self could find to put into her basket."
"Mom, I'd rather her be as happy as she is and celebrate every day with her than just get excited about a few days of the year like all the rest of us. Life is better like this."
With that reminder I smiled inside knowing that without the struggle my kids would have missed out on the bigger lessons in this life. I love my big kids. Love them for being who they are because of the precious baby sister they were given.
Still the hurts of what we are missing with her seep into my soul every once in awhile, but they are quickly overshadowed by all that we haven't missed. Its a tangled web of longing for the life we are missing with her and yet still loving the one we are living.