Home This Morning

Ash came home early this morning and has been resting in her own bed.  I don't see  any improvement in the way she feels since receiving the blood.  She's not feeling very well, but I guess theres not much anyone can do about it.  I'm thankful for the moments when her room becomes quiet and peek in to see she's finally fallen asleep.  If she's sleeping, she's not as aware of how bad she's feeling.

We plan on keeping things low key and as quiet as possible around the house this holiday weekend.  I'm thankful my other children are older now and don't expect much celebration anymore.  Its more than enough to acknowledge what Christ did for each one of us.  I may try and make a nice lunch tomorrow afternoon for the family, but then again I may not.  My hearts not really into it.  Dave and the kids may sneak out to services in the morning or we may just watch online as a family.  I'm not sure just yet.

My heart is sad knowing our annual Easter picture of the kids just won't happen though.  I can't imagine snapping pics of Ash the way she looks right now.  I took one pic of her sitting up the other day and the image on the screen stole the breath right out of my chest.  Her size and color are so, so shocking.  I see her everyday, but something must protect me from the reality of how she really looks because of being with her so much.  Yesterday as we wheeled her into the hospital the look of shock, concern, and confusion on every face we passed in the halls stung me so deeply.  People just don't know what she's dealing with and they don't understand why she looks the way she does.  I know they mean no harm, but it makes it all the more real when I see the look in a strangers eye.

Things will turn around soon.  They have to.  I'm believing that today.