This is the first night in 13 months that I have not been able to tuck my Ashley into her crib. How empty my arms feel right now and how my heart aches for another mommy somewhere out there tonight. My mind is struggling as I try to understand how this all plays out.
I know that our God is so much bigger than I had ever imagined. He is giving me a sense of peace in the middle of my longing to be with Ashley right now. I have never had to let go and really step back like we did tonight as our Ashley was taken into surgery.
On the plane ride I sat with Ashley as she slept so peacefully and I tried to memorize every detail of her tiny face. She has the most beautiful eyelashes and the tiniest nose. She of course was sucking on her thumb and making the cutest little noises that I listen to all night while she sleeps. I cried out to the Father in a silent voice and pleaded for my fears to go away. I only wanted to trust Him today. All throughout Ashley's life I have been able to share her story and today was no different. I believe with everything inside of me that she was born to share the goodness of the Lord with others. Her story gives me the courage to boldly speak of who God is and how He loves us all. She gives me strength to be who I believe I am supposed to be, and I have never been the same since the day she arrived.
Through all of the hard days along this journey God shows me His love and grace and mercy. I will forever be grateful to be called Ashley's mommy.
Tonight I pray for our donor family and there are no words to express the feelings inside of my heart. May your hearts be comforted. Thank you for giving my Ashley a second chance to live.