Still Awake

It is around 3:00a.m. and Ashley and I have not been to sleep yet(except for 20 minutes). It has been such a struggle tonight. The fatigue we are both feeling is so obvious. Ashley can't seem to fall asleep. She is pulling off her monitors and clawing her face, ears, chest, etc. At one point she did dose off without making a sound for close to twenty minutes around midnight, but because of the noise the residents and nurse were making right outside the door she woke right back up. I will tell you that I was a little more than irritated. I get so frustrated that they laugh and joke and mess around this late at night when our very ill children are trying to rest. I held my tongue but I did get up and open the curtain give them all a look like you really shouldn't mess with me tonight and they moved on. Then the nurse came in and took Ashley's vitals and that was the end of our nights rest. I apologize for sounding so upset but I am really sleep deprived at this point and Ash is so uncomfortable.

The nurse has decided that Ashley is going through withdrawals from the pain meds. This really upsets me because they assured me that she would be safe with the meds they were giving to her since she did not have to be sedated with them. They will decide in the morning if they will treat her for withdrawal symptoms. For tonight she will suffer and stay awake. She is wimpering and absolutely miserable which sounds like she is in pain. All I know is that she can't rest and I know how badly she needs too. I pray that she could just drift off at some point.

I have been forced to restrain her arms because she is makeing herself bleed and I am afraid she will get into the wound. This is heartbreaking to watch. I hope that morning will come soon so we can put tonight behind us. Thanks for listening to me. I really needed to get all of that out. If you would pray for me that I could continue to control my tongue I would really appreciate it. I really don't want to say something I will regret just because I am tired. Thank you for your prayers. Ash and I will go watch Blues Clues and hopefully be able to distract her busy little hands. Good night.