Hurtful Words

How do I begin this post and what words do I say? I try so very hard to be kind and gracious in all that I say. I would never want to put something in this journal that would cause the Father to be disappointed in me. I would never want to put something in this journal that would cause pain to another. I would never want to put something in this journal that my Ashley could not read. I would never want to put something in this journal that would cause her to be ashamed.

Dave and I have a responsibility to live our lives in such a way that our children will see Christ in our daily walk. They must learn from us how to serve, how to be compassionate, how to be loving, how to be kind, and how to react to others who are not so kind. I try to be careful with the words and the stories that I share in Ashley's journal. I realize that it is my children who will be affected by the contents. There will come a day in their lives when they are allowed to read the pages of Ashley's story and they will see the comments that have been left in response to the experiences that Dave and I have shared with the world. My prayer is that they will be thankful, they will be blessed, and they will be proud of how we all walked this together.

I was encouraged for many, many months to begin this journal. To be completely honest with all of you I resisted. Not because I wanted to be lazy. Not because I didn't want to take the time. Not because I minded sharing her story, but because I did not want my family to be hurt. Unfortunately I am learning that not everyone shares my belief that all people deserve to be treated with KINDNESS and RESPECT. It is because of this reason that I hesitate to continue pouring out my heart in such a public forum. I find myself questioning the decision we made to share our experiences. This journal is nothing more or nothing less than the ramblings of two parents who have been blessed beyond anything they could ever deserve, but who have and are suffering with much brokenness as well. There are happy posts, there are sad posts, there are desperate posts, there are grateful posts. This journal contains the very insides of our hearts on a daily basis. To think that some would want to hatefully strike out against one of us or all of us is so very painful to me. Why? What have we ever shown but kindness toward you? I am struggling to understand. The only thing that brings me any type of peace is the knowledge that their were those who also struck out against the very one Who came to show them nothing but love and kindness. In the end He laid down His life for them.

The only reason that I consider continuing my Ashley's story is because of this: I don't believe it belongs to me. It has taken this journal and the response it has gotten to show me that her story is here to be used to tell His.

Tonight I would like to make a request from those of you who follow this journal. I am going to ask that if for some reason you feel as though you do not care for who we are as a family, the decisions we make for our children, the way we choose to live our lives or run our family buisness then would you please take a moment to pray for us. If you feel as though you need to criticize us or make a personal attack then would you please do that in person. I ask you not for my sake, but for HIS. Please, please do not try and hurt my children. Please, please do not "dirty" my daughter's life story with hurtful comments and negative words. We are open to listen. We are open to criticism if it is done with honesty and character. Please, please don't feel the need to be anonymous any longer. If you have something that you feel you need to share please do it in person so that we may make it right with you. I am hurt by what you have said in such a public forum. I ask that next time you please do it privately and I ask that if we have ever hurt you or wronged you that you please bring it to our attention so that we may ask you to forgive us.

I apologize for those of you who have had to take your time to read this post. I understand if you feel as though I am wrong for addressing this. I could not rest tonight knowing that the members of my family have been hurt by the words that have now been moderated. Please forgive me for using this page of Ashley's story to try and take care of this.

My Ashley is resting tonight. She briefly wakes just long enough to share her beautiful smile at me and to wave , "Hi, mommy". My heart is so blessed to have this child. I will never be able to give back to Him all that He has given to me. As I count my blessings tonight I would like you to know that you are a huge part of them. Your love, your concern, your kindness, your understanding(especially about this post), your generosity, and your prayers have made a difference in our lives. He has used each of you to bless our family, and we are truly thankful. May you rest well tonight. May He protect your loved ones. May you know that you are loved by our Ashley. Good night and God Bless. Trish