Morning Light

I hesitate to open our blinds this morning. I know it must be beautiful outside. I know this because I can see the light trying to break into our room through the cracks. I love most mornings. I love the thought of having another day to spend with my sweet Ashley Kate. I love knowing that all of the hurt and ugliness that I felt the need to confront is now wiped away and I have a new day with a fresh start. I love knowing that He has a plan for us today in this PICU. So you may be wondering why I hesitate to open those blinds and let all that this day has in store for us come rushing in. Let me just share with you that I am tired. I am really tired today! We had a long night. Ash was up fussing almost every two hours. I would try and bring her comfort. We spent precious time rocking each other in our chair, but eventually she would just want to lay down. She would lay down and fuss until her meds came. I would sit in the chair and pray for rest to come for my little one and for peace to come over her. She would drift off to sleep and then I would try to go back to sleep as well.

Need less to say I look a mess this morning. It has now been 123 days that I woke up in this PICU and all 123 days it has been my goal to be showered, dressed, hair done, and face applied before the doctors round. This is not always an easy task since their are mornings that I must wait in line to get into the only bathroom that houses the shower. This morning I decided I just didn't care. I actually slept in the clothes I wore yesterday and I am still wearing them as I sit and type at this moment. I know its gross, but hey I told you how tired I was. I did manage to brush my teeth, use mouthwash, wash my face and run a come through my hair but that was it. I boldly approached morning rounds in all my natural "beauty". I can't imagine what they must be thinking of me, but honestly the only thing I really care about today is getting a good, long nap. Have you ever attempted to maintain yourself for this long away from home, away from your beautician, away from your bathtub and bubble baths? Have you ever attempted to shave your legs in a public shower while people are standing in line and knocking on the door to use the bathroom? I promise you it is not easy. I look a mess. My hair needs color, my eyebrows need to find a professional with enough skill to create a shape out of them, my nails are horrible, and to mention my feet would be a sin. I need a pedicure! I promise I am not a vain person, but if my friends and family could actually see how much weight I have gained since I began eating in this cafeteria three meals a day they would not recognize me. I need professional help! All of this aside the only thing I can think about doing today is this: SLEEPING.

I do have goals though. Just not any I plan on implementing today. I hope to have my hair cut and colored, nails done, and eyebrows attacked by the time I fly to meet Allie in Dallas for the competition. As for the weight and wrinkle issue, my prayer is that my friends will just overlook that part of me and realize my priorities have changed. A lot!

Ash is now sleeping and I am afraid I MUST join her. Thank you for all of your encouragement. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for your prayers. I pray you all have a blessed day with lots of time with your families. Take care and "good night". Trish