"My grace is sufficient..."

II Corinthians 12:8-10

"Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord... that it might depart from me. And He told me, My grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness ... that the power of Christ may rest upon me...for when I am weak then am I strong."


More times than I can count I have found myself pleading with the Lord that all of "this" might depart from my sweet Ashley. More times than I can count I have heard Him answer me with these words, "My grace is sufficient for you." I am learning every day that it really is. Even today as the morning started out with a dreadful word uttered after the surgeon spent way too long listening to Ashley's bowel during rounds. Perforation. Pardon me, did I hear her correctly? Perforation. "Let's get a CT scan of her bowel just to be sure." I asked, "Is there honestly a chance that the placement of the J portion of her feeding tube could have perforated her new bowel?" Her answer, "There is ALWAYS a chance."

I stood through the remaining minutes of rounds stunned by her words. ALWAYS a chance. How in the world will we ever live without fear of the "chances", the what ifs, the possibilities? In my own mind I am thinking we will face these issues for her lifetime. There will never be a normalcy achieved in my Ashley's life. Every temperature, every cold, every virus, every rash, every cough, every tummy ache, every headache, the list goes on and on and on. How will she ever be allowed to run across the fields, roll down the hills, splash in the waves, climb the jungle gyms, play in the snow? As quickly as I felt the panic welling inside of me I remember these words. Words that I read late last night. Words that brought me peace as I wished I had the answers. His grace is sufficient for my Ashley. His strength will be made perfect in her weakness. The power of Christ will rest upon her. When she is weak, then she will be made strong. Not that she might be allowed to boast, "Look at me. Look at what I have been through and survived. Look at how strong I am," but that we might all look at her as she runs, plays, rolls, splashes, jumps and then say, "His strength is now made perfect in her. He has done these things for her. His power is upon her life. He has brought her through and she is now a living testimony to the mightiness of our God!"

As I wait for the results of her CT scan tonight I am finding great peace knowing that His grace is sufficient for me. He is using my weaknesses to show His strength in my life. It is a good thing that they have not come running down the hall to wheel my Ashley into the OR. I am thinking the longer they take to talk to me about the scan the safer we are. He has a plan. He is working it in her life and in mine. Something is going on inside Ashley's body this weekend. Perhaps He is using this scan to reveal to us what we could not have known without it. Remember how He used it to show us the fluid around her heart 3 weeks ago. Maybe there is something there we need to see. Maybe there is nothing(I am praying there is nothing).

No matter the results of the test I have the most beautiful baby girl sleeping quietly in her crib behind me as I type. Each time I look over at her I know that His grace will be sufficient to get us through. We will make it home in His time. When His purpose for us here in Omaha has been fulfilled He will take us home. Home so that we may begin running, rolling, splashing, jumping, playing, and anything else her little heart desires to do. We will get there. He is just strengthening us through our weaknesses at this time in her life. All for His purpose, for His glory, for His names sake.