Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

9/24/2007

The Separation

Dave and I had a discussion while Ash was in the OR. With big tears in my eyes I shared with him that its not so much the waiting that is difficult for me. Its the separation. The moment they ask me to go to the waiting room and they take our baby in the opposite direction. That's the part that rips into me. The separation from our baby, our little girl, our sweet Ashley. You would think that in time it should get easier, but I can tell you from experience that it does not. It is not natural to watch them go down the halls of a hospital time and time again. It is not normal to know that a tube is being inserted into their throats to breathe for them. It is not easy to have no say about who and what is touching them. The separation from her gets me each and every time. My prayer is always the same, "Please hold her close to You and please keep her safe while she is away." That's the best way I know to leave her. Resting in His hands.

We are now back in our room and Ash is breathing on her own. For a while we thought she might require some oxygen support, but she perked up and although her oxygen saturation's are not as high as before the procedure she is holding her own. She is coughing and her throat is sore from the scope, but she looks pretty good. Her stomach is more swollen and more distended than before and it is causing her some discomfort. The results of the biopsies will not be shared with us until sometime tomorrow.

Dave thinks we hit the jackpot today. Its always a good day when you get good nurses. Our nursing care today and tonight is better than we could have hoped had we put in our requests. I love it when that happens. God has really blessed me with some great friends along the way and it makes it so much easier to be here knowing that I have those girls around. By the way, I want to say thanks to Heather for the awesome dinner, the Target run, and the surprise. It made us smile. You are so appreciated.

The unknown is always difficult. How much of her bowel has been affected? How long will she be sick? What is going to happen? When will be able to go home? All of these questions and many more are continuously on my mind. I wish I knew the answers, but of course I do not. I know that God does know and even though it brings me comfort I still would like to stomp my feet and demand to know. I realize that sounds ugly, but if I could just know the plan. I think I function better when I know what I am up against. I am quite sure this is one of the lessons He is still trying to teach me. I have such a long way to go.

I am trying not to think about Dave leaving tomorrow. I am trying not to think about missing my son's 12th birthday. I am trying not to think about not being there to lay next to Al as she says her prayers. I am trying not to think too much right now. Sometimes you just need to be still and thats what I am planning for tonight and tomorrow. I want to and need to be still enough to listen.

Thank you so much for being here and walking along side of us. Your prayers are so important to us. I know He is listening. Thank you. Trish

20 Comments:

At 8:40 PM , Blogger Sun said...

Praise God she is breathing on her own - praise God for such good friends and such awesome nurses! We will be praying for you tomorrow - specifically for when Dave leaves and for when you find out the results of today's procedure. I am so sorry you guys are having to walk through this but so thankful that you are sharing with us through this blog! You all are so very precious. Bless little Ashley's heart - my five year old continually asks how is Ashley today...we are all praying and thinking of you! Sunshine

 
At 8:40 PM , Anonymous Aimee said...

I pray for you as you will be separated for your husband, I pray that you and Ash will be sent back home soon so that the recovery process may start quickly. May the Lord grant you Peace in this time of worry.

 
At 8:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Trish and Dave, God bless you tonight and know God has great plans for the 5 of you. Knowing Ashley is breathing on her on is so peaceful. Hope you can get some rest tonight. Still praying.
Allison, NC

 
At 8:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post gives me chills...we are all so connected in His love. I am glad to know she is back and safe with you both. I am praying the news tommorrow is good and she will heal from this illness. God is her real doctor.

 
At 8:44 PM , Anonymous Courtney said...

So releived that she is out of surgery and breathingon her own! God keeps answering our prayers one at a time, I believe He will continue to answer them! Praying that you will find rest tonight!

 
At 8:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thankful that she is out & breathing room air. Praise God ....she is not on the vent. Praying for safe travel for Dave. Praying as you await news of the scope results. I know the unknown is scary. God will guide you....Thank you for your testimony. Thanks for the update.....

Praying....Hugs...

S.S.

 
At 8:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

PRAISE GOD!! She made it through! Praise God - Trish, HE held her in HIS palm! He is there! She knows it and feels it - even if she cannot express that to you...I just know it!

I think I have prayed more today than I ever had. He IS listening to each and every prayer! He loves you guys and through your testimony - He is using you.

Just PRAISE GOD she made it through and is breathing on her own. I am just so thrilled for that blessing!

She knows you are there. She needs you. Blake and Allie have shown what strong children, in Christ, they are. They will understand your not being able to be with them. Plus, you have a wonderful husband and children that love their daddy. Ashley needs you - you have a wonderful supportive family.

Still lifting you up in prayer...

 
At 8:56 PM , Blogger Carey said...

Praying for a peaceful night. May you get the answers you are searching for in the morning.

 
At 8:57 PM , Blogger Wendy said...

I am so grateful to hear that Ashley came through the surgery and is breathing on her own. What a difficult journey for all of you. I agree - waiting to know His plan for us is always hard. Just remember He never gives us more than we can bear.

Will keep you in my prayers.

 
At 8:57 PM , Anonymous Grandma said...

I'm so thankful for this post. Was waiting to hear, anxiously. I know that our wonderful Father is in total control and He is holding her close to Him; what an awesome place to be! The kids are snuggled in and they are both so tired I think it didn't take them but a few seconds to fall asleep! I'll be praying through the night as I have every night so far - Praise God He is answering those prayers one by one and we're counting the blessings! I love you both so very much and don't forget - I'm here for WHATEVER you need that I can do. Just let me know. Grandma PS I just called and read this post to your mom, Trish. We're keeping each other informed and praying together. Please, give Ash hugs and kisses for me, will you?

 
At 9:00 PM , Blogger cindy/barron said...

Oh Trish and Dave it is wounderful to hear from you and that Ashley is out and breathing on her own, i work in icu and i am so grateful she was able to get rid of that tube but also have to be thankful that if she needed help breathing it was there. We love you people with all our hearts and will be praying

 
At 9:12 PM , Anonymous Janiece Baldwin said...

Thank You, dear Lord, for returning Ashley safely back to her loving mommy and daddy. Thank you, Trish, for posting and keeping us updated as to what is going on.

I called your mom around noon to see if she knew about the surgery because I knew she would want to join all of us in praying specifically for the surgery today and for courage and peace for you and David. I printed off the last couple of day's postings yesterday morning before we went into SS class, because she does not have access to a computer to see what you have posted. Anyway, she called me a back about 7:30 checking in and I told her only that they had taken Ashley at 5:30. I just talked to her and Glenda had just read her the latest report.
Your mom wanted me to tell you, Trish, "you are the bravest woman I know and I love you." "Dave, you are so strong and love you, too."

Praising God that Ashley is breathing on her own and praying that all 3 of you get some good sleep tonight. Lord, hold them up and be the support they need in getting results tomorrow. Will also be praying for David to have a safe trip back home. May Blake be strong and understanding and Allie be able to accept that you and her sister cannot come home until the doctors give you the O.K. to do so. Blessings to all in the Precious Name of Jesus~~Amen
Love to all~~~Janiece

 
At 9:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

So very happy that she is breathing on her own and praying that you will all have a peaceful night. We will pray through this one step at a time. I can't begin to tell you what praying for Ashley has meant to me. Thank you.

 
At 9:21 PM , Blogger jtcosby said...

So happy she is breathing on her own. You go "Be still and know..." and we will pray for you.

 
At 9:45 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Thank you for updating. Praise God she came through so well and is breathing on her own. I know your breathed a big sigh of relief to have her in arm's distance again. Will keep praying for good news and for comfort for you. I too would be wanting to know the plan. That's the Momma in us. Praying for Dave's travel and you and Ashley in Omaha.

 
At 10:03 PM , Blogger Holly G. said...

I'm so happy that she is breathing on her own. I've been reading your blog for a while now and discuss it with my husband almost every night. My husband is the recipient of a kidney transplant and even now, we are scared every time he gets his labs done. Always wondering what the results will hold.

I just want you to know that we are pulling for little Ashley in NJ. She has been on my mind alot lately.

~Holly
hollygirlone@hotmail.com

 
At 10:47 PM , Anonymous Dee Dee in NC said...

I'm so sorry you have to wait until tomorrow for answers. But I am thankful that she seems to have weathered surgery well. Praying, hoping you (both) and Ashley can rest and that tomorrow you will be encouraged.

 
At 11:37 PM , Blogger Gretchen said...

I'm here by way of Sarah's blog (in the midst of it).

Lord, I lift this family, and this little angel girl up to you. I ask for a complete and total healing of this baby girl. I ask for traveling mercies for her father and comfort for her mother and her siblings. Thank You, Father, for Your abiding and faithful love, already shown so beautifully within this family. I continue to ask for Your grace. In Jesus' name. Amen.

 
At 12:06 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Praying for your little one here in Kentucky:)

 
At 9:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update. I pray you find comfort when Dave leaves. and I pray that Blake will have a great birthday amongst all of this. Praying.

 

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