This smile...

brings us so much joy! Its been one whole week since we have seen it and a world without it just isn't the same. I miss her personality. Dave and I laughed a lot, smiled a lot, and cried a little this afternoon as we looked through her pictures. She is a happy child that fills our home with joy.

Dave has crawled into the crib with her. He just wants to be close and cuddle up with her. We miss holding her. She aches to much to picked up so we are settling for laying our heads next to her on the pillow. I think she looks a little better tonight. Her eyes are open and she is watching Blue. She actually turned her head in response to her nurse tonight and that was the first time she had acted like she was even aware anyone else was here. Her heart rate is down and her respirations are too. She sounds a little coarse and junky in her lungs, but continues to breathe room air. She has no fever at this time and no evidence of her rash showing.

She did receive another blood transfusion this evening and they started a round of steroids to try and settle whatever has made her so sick. We also began giving her anti-rejection meds tonight so this makes us think the team is starting to lean more towards rejection as opposed to something viral. We will hopefully know more in the morning after rounds.

My heart feels more at peace tonight than it did last night. I think the stress and the shock of so much happening to her so quickly was just too much. I am really hoping to wake up and be told that she is fine and we are all clear to leave. That is still my hope. We want Ash back home and living life again. We want to hear her laugh and giggle. We want to see her ornery streak return. We want to look at that twinkle in her eyes. We want life to return to that beautiful state of "normal" that she had achieved. I believe it can. I believe God can do it again in her life.

I did speak with Blake and Allie tonight about not coming home with Ash just yet. I could tell they were disappointed, but they were being so brave. I am so proud of who they are. Their little hearts have held big burdens before and although it breaks mine to know that I trust that they can do it again. I shared with Blake in a little more detail than Al about what we have found out so far. He is older and stronger than Allie and I want him to feel as though we trust him and are not hiding things from him. They are such incredible people and I miss them so very much.

I'm really tired tonight. I tried to rest some this afternoon, but couldn't fall asleep. There are lots of questions running through my mind and turning it off isn't an easy thing to do. I am hoping to sleep tonight. Thank you for praying today and for asking others to pray for her too. I can feel that you are praying and I am so thankful.