Ashley's Story

She will leave fingerprints all over your heart

1/21/2008

Unprepared

As a young mom I had no way of knowing just how unprepared my heart was for this job. I loved the children from the moment I knew they were on their way, but how was I to know just HOW much my heart would fall in love with them. Each day I find myself more and more in love with who each one of them are. They are amazing people and I want to spend all of my time with them. Oh, how much I love them.

I watch Ashley Kate play and my heart swells. I love this baby. I love who she is and how far she has come. I love her smiles and her giggles. I love her grumbles and growls. I love her cuddles. I love the feel of her little arms as they learn to wrap around my neck. I was so unprepared for the depth of love I would feel towards her. I could sit and watch her for hours and hours and never grow tired.

Allie is growing and changing into a young lady right before my eyes. I truly believe she is more beautiful each day. We laughed and giggled at the things she had to say. I listened to her plans for her upcoming birthday and we made decisions about the details. At one suggestion she leaned over and laid her head on my arm as I was driving and squealed, "Your the best mom ever!" My heart was unprepared for the feeling of joy that brought to me and my eyes fought back tears. We visited over dinner and then played games on the drive home. She is silly and moody. Oh, boy is she ever emotional these days as she quickly approaches ten years of age. Then as we came home I sat and watched my two girls play and play and play. God has given me so much in these two little ladies and I know He has been working to prepare my heart to raise them. Yet still, I am so unprepared.

At 12 years old Blake is one of my very closet friends. There was no way I could have prepared for this. It is a gift from the Lord. From the moment he was born he captured my heart. Such a little man. Always kind and polite. Obedient and hard working. Determined to be the best in all he does. The very best big brother to his two sisters I have ever seen. I love my son so very much. He is smart and handsome and athletic and mature far beyond his twelve years. He loves with an incredibly loyal heart. His thoughtfulness is overwhelming. He is growing into an incredible young man. He makes my heart proud.

I've thought a lot about my children today. They were out of school and spent the day at home with me and Ash. I was so blessed as I watched them play with her today. They loved on her and rocked her when she was sad. They made her laugh and giggle. They wanted to spend their day with her and my heart was unprepared for the smile that would come across it as I witnessed the three of them hanging out together. Oh, how she love Blake and Allie and how they love her.

How much more does God the Father love each of us. I can't comprehend a deeper love than the one I feel toward Blake, Al, and Ash, but still I know that there is one that exists. Just as I love to hang out and visit with my children I know He must love that too. I could listen to Blake and Allie chatter on and on for hours and never become bored. He must feel the same way about us. Just having them sit close to me and rest next to me makes my heart soar. Does His heart do the same when we take the time to just rest and be close to Him? I think it may.

Unprepared to feel the way I do. I believe thats exactly why He allows us to parent. So that we may go from not comprehending a love so deep to getting a glimpse into the depth of His love for us. Just as there is nothing I would not do for my three children, there is nothing He has not done for us.

11 Comments:

At 9:28 PM , Blogger Mayhem And Miracles said...

I'm in total agreement with you. Motherhood is the second most amazing blessing I ever received.

 
At 10:37 PM , Blogger sarahdodson said...

Terrific post! Being a parent is such a JOY and there are so many pictures of how our Heavenly Father must feel toward us:)

 
At 10:44 PM , Anonymous Janiece Baldwin said...

The love you have as a mother for your children is one of the greatest loves you will ever experience. To watch them grow from little infants to young teenagers then adults is such an incredible experience. Those years will pass ever so quickly, but, for those of us who are fortunate enough, we then become grandmothers and there is just no way I can describe that feeling except that with my first one I stayed up calling all my friends even at 2 in the morning because I was sooo excited. He is now 31 years old and in the military in Ranger training. Even though he is married he still comes to me and tells me things that are in his heart and we have the best conversations and the fact that he continues to confide in me, makes my heart full of joy. Now he has given me a great-grandson, 9 months old, and I have the priviledge of caring for him as my granddaughter-in-law is back in school to get her R.N.
So Trish, love, hold and treasure each day with your sweet precious children and look forward with anticipation to having their children to love on and care for. Oh what a gift He gives us with our children.
I love to read about your times with your children and what fun you have together.
Love and prayers~~~Janiece

 
At 1:25 AM , Anonymous Kathleen said...

Beautiful post Trish!! I've been feeling thankful for my children today too (however not quite as eloquently)

 
At 10:12 AM , Blogger Alicia said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. I'm preparing for the birth of my first little baby girl. My heart is so full, and I can't believe how much I can love her without ever having seen her face-to-face. I cannot wait to meet her.
Thank you for such a sweet picture of motherhood.

 
At 10:30 AM , Blogger Laurie said...

Trish,

The gratitude coming from your heart of a mother here sums up the experience of being a parent who loves beyond the boundaries. Wait until you become a grandmother!!! My heart can barely contain the additional measure of love I have. It makes a heart so full to overflowing. I try to wrap my head around God loving me more than this, and I get lost. I am so thankful. And yes, ALL children are a gift of God on loan to us to cherish and treasure as we raise them to know and love the One who created them. A FULL CIRCLE of Gods love.

Laurie in Ca.

 
At 1:33 PM , Blogger Amy T said...

Very well put Trish! This was a beautiful post and full of truth. I've been catching up on the last few days and it's such a thrill to see posts about every day life. I know you are so happy to be doing those every day things.

 
At 3:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautiful post. I still check daily, just haven't posted in awhile. Thanks for you updates.

How grateful I am for your family to have such uninterrupted time away from the hospital.

As I've said many times, your heart expressions are so beautiful. They touch me in very meaningful ways. Thanks, Trish, for giving to the Lord!

I am a life that has been blessed by your giving.

Kristi in Texas

 
At 4:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for this post. I have recently been having a hard time with a young child of my own. You put it all into perspective for me today. Thank you again for so much more than you know.

 
At 8:30 PM , Anonymous lori said...

Beautiful post! Continuing to pray for all of you.
Love and hugs,
Lori

 
At 9:30 PM , Blogger The Dean Family said...

Trish,
I am so glad you are having a great time being home and being a family. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective on motherhood. I just put my youngest in school and it was extremely hard for me. She is 4 and we have a wonderful relationship. Thanks for being a great example to all the other moms reading this.
Angela in AK

 

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