Fly or Fail?

Sweet Ashley Kate finally fell asleep at 7:20 this morning only to be awakened at 8:30 when respiratory knocked on the door. She is so exhausted today and we are hoping for a nice long nap.

Things happen quickly around here when Ash takes control of her own situation. Why such a rough night? The fever? An infection? Withdrawal? Dehydration? No. No. No. and No. The answer was discovered soon after her bath and change of clothes this morning. Pain.

Ash had been trying to communicate to the world that she was in pain. Hurting for hours through the night. Unknown to me or to any of her nurses she had finished pulling her own chest tube from her plural space to the point of insertion only through her chest wall and is sat in the tissue for the night. The nurse practioner said it must have been burning the whole time. As soon as we removed are very soaked dressing we saw that it was only inserted through the skin maybe a few centimeters. Immediately she began to calm and allowed me to hold her and soothe her. I can't explain who it felt to know that I did nothing to ease her pain or discomfort. I had no idea what had happened, but it doesn't remove the feeling of being the worst mom in the world from my heart. Knowing that she was trying to tell us she was hurting and me not figuring out why is unacceptable. My heart is so broken for her. No wonder all she could do was swing at me and try to hit me all night.

So now the word I received in rounds was this, "We'll just wait and see. Either she will fly or she will fail. Its probable that she got an infection at the sight of insertion and this was the cause of her high white count and fever. It probably also caused the high increase in her fluid output from the sight. So lets just see what she does." Thats it. No mention of us transferring. Just a look in the eyes that told me not to discuss it and to be honest I am so tired from last night that I can't even go there today. Her dressings continue to be soaked and we are constantly changing them around the sight from the fluid that is "gushing" out of the wound. I don't exaggerate when I use that word. It is not a trickle a drop or a small puddle. It is gushing and you can hear it as it builds up and empties out of her chest. Very scary.

Please pray with me that this is exactly what needed to happen for Ashley's body to begin healing. I am hopeful that the fluid will now decrease and she will begin to improve so much so that we can pack our bags sometime this week. Things will either go that direction or they will go the other. If they go the other she is at great risk for respiratory distress once again and will require a chest tube. So this could be good or it could be bad. She really needs a lot of prayer today.


Her address here in Omaha is this:

Ashley Adams
Nebraska Medical Center
University Tower
Patient Mail Room 6470
PO Box 6159
Omaha, NE 68106-0159


Her address in Texas is:

Ashley Adams
101 B Woodbine Place
Longview TX 75601

This is our office and anything sent there will be brought to Ash. Thanks Melanie, I am really tired!