Repeat

I feel as though I am living out a real life re-run on Ash's life. We've been here before. We've done all of this. Exactly like this. Its a nightmare. I had such hope for her. I did not want her to have to go through what she did a year ago this month. It is all too much.

We are taking Ash down to CT scan her bowel. We need to investigate it further to see is she has nuemetosis setting in once again. I still can't believe we are talking about this. The x-rays show that she has fluid filled loops of bowel that aren't moving. This is when things got so ugly for her. I'm just hoping that somehow she is going to be able to escape all of this. Somehow just fall asleep and wake up feeling good again.

When we were told she was in rejection this scenario is all I knew to compare it to. I thought it was going to be just like this because that was our experience with it. We have been here two weeks tomorrow and I had been so pleased and so surprised that she hadn't "really gotten sick" this time. I thought we might have a chance of treating it, and getting back home. It's not gonna happen that way.

Unfortunately its a long, ugly battle and my sweet Ashely is the only one in the fight. The only taking the bullets. I sit back and offer nothing. I have nothing to contribute to her fight. Its killing me. We are both so, so tired. I haven't slept. Haven't showered. Haven't eaten and neither has she. We are quite the pair today. Welcome back to hospital life. Its just the way things go.

Please, God heal her bowel and get us back home. Somehow.