On our knees

I believe that's where Dave and I will spend most of our time this weekend. If, if, if, she does well. If, if, if it is according to His plan. If, if, if He will allow it.

We are making "tentative" plans today for a possible transfer back to Shreveport on Monday. Yes, I said MONDAY, but only if she can hold her own through the weekend. Please pray hard for our Ashley.

I'm still in shock. Absolute shock. The newest surgeon(the one I LOVE) just came in and shared with me that this is his plan. To get things going today and that by Monday we could be on our way closer to home. Only 1 short hour from hour little yellow house. Only 1 short drive to see our children. Only 1 short moment out of an entire days to get Blake and Allison over each night to see Ashley Kate. This would be the most amazing thing that could happen for our family at this time. If only she maintains her current status. If things "fall apart" over the weekend, then we will stay put. We have a lot of praying to do. Please join us. Please ask everyone you know who has ever heard of our sweet Ashley or even who hasn't to join us as we seek direction for our daughter and our other children. What healing this would bring to my ten year old's heart!

Ashley Kate did stool out more the last 24 than the previous 72. She was up from 40 per kilo to 65 per kilo, but we made two changes in her feeds yesterday. Today we will make none. Just give her gut a day to adapt to all we are doing. No advancing or caloric changes. Just sitting still(or sleeping in her case) until her daddy arrives this afternoon.

She has such a long way to go until she is back to where we were the day before she became sick. Full feeds is 75cc per hour. She is at 25. She will return to the feeding pump 24 hours a day as opposed to the 12 over night as she slept. My goal is to get her eating 500 calories by mouth again this month so that she may earn breaks from her pump again. She has lost many of her skills, but I know she can re-learn them.

Leaving is so encouraging, but yet still frightening. We have a wonderful team of doctors in Shreveport who I know will take incredible care of us, but there is still a security that comes from being here in this hospital so close to her surgeons. I know its hard to understand when we so desperately want to be closer to home and eventually home, but still the move puts butterflies in my stomach when thinking of all the "what ifs". More than anything I need for the peace and confidence that only the Father can bring to my heart to return. It is so hard to keep it there when the bottom continually falls out from underneath me concerning my sweet Ashley.

If only I could protect her and know that she will be fine. Silly that I have these desires when in all actuality none of us can truly protect our children. They belong to Him and He decides the course their lives will follow.

I'm excited at the possibility, but nervous about the weekend. My prayer is for continued healing. Continued progress. Continued life for my baby. Our sweet baby girl.

Thank you for your faithfulness to pray for our pickle. I really believe without each of you walking along side of us, picking us up, and praying for us she would not have survived this long. God is good. He is still in control. Of the world, the leadership, the people, our family, and especially our littlest daughter. Thank you again and may you feel His blessing on your life today.