The Sweetest Sound

I can still hear it if I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough. It truly was the sweetest sound in all my world. I sit here this morning in the early hours and find myself stunned that it has been this long. 2 years. 2 long years since I heard it last. Can you even believe that? I find it really, really hard to believe and I've lived it. Oh well, I miss it. More than words can describe. I wonder if I'll ever hear her say it again? or say anything again? If I had only known that afternoon that I would have to go years without hearing it again I would have recorded every second of that day leading up to those frightening hours.

Last week, Jan. 15th, marked two years since the day that our Ashley Kate said these words for the last time, "My momma". It was her favorite phrase. I remember she used to chant it all night long until sleep got the best of her. I lay in a room across from her with smiles across my face each night listening to the sweetest voice I'd ever heard. I miss it.

That afternoon she sat in my lap and as I read books to her she would interrupt by looking up at me and saying, "My momma" until her breathing became labored and her voice too weak to hear. As we rocked something inside of her began to change and our world has never been the same. It snuck up on all of us and tried to steal the best part of us. Thank God she survived that day. Her voice did not, but she did.

This morning in these early hours I'm grateful that all I'm missing is her voice and not my sweet baby. She sleeps silently in the other room. Her world is now silent, but she is still in it and I am grateful.

I miss it, but praise God I'm not having to miss her.