4lbs

Were would you hide an extra 4 lbs if it suddenly snuck up on you in like the last 2 days? Your hips? Your tummy? Your backside? Try packing those 4 lbs in your neck and cheeks. What do you think you would look like? Just try and imagine.

Our Ashley is miserable. Utterly miserable. She began crying and struggling around 11pm last night and has now been crying for an almost 24 hours straight. She is having a very hard time with all this extra fluid and the aches and pains that come from dry vessels. My heart is broken for her. Our happy baby is so very, very sad, and nothing I do is helpful. Holding her at an incredibly heavy 15.5kilos(from 13.2k to 14.6k to 15.5) is almost impossible. I'm having a very hard time making her comfortable. Its proving to be impossible.

The albumin? As far as I can tell has done nothing to help. She is just getting bigger and bigger and bigger with each cc of fluid that is being pumped into her body.

This admission is proving to be exhausting. None of us(Dave, Ash or myself) are finding any rest. We are passing each other in the doorway of this room and saying "goodnight, I love ya, be sure and _________ or don't forget to do __________." I haven't had a decent conversation with Dave since all of this started Friday morning. I miss him, but am so grateful to have those 5 minutes in the doorway. As I drove home tonight to retrieve a fresh pile of blankets and jammies for Ash I found myself struggling not to cry from the stress of this past weekend and today. Then all of a sudden I was thankful. So thankful for this hospital down the street from our home and for the nurses and doctors who are doing their best to care for Ash during this mess. I'll take 5 minutes with Dave a day over being separated from him by 700 miles and several weeks between flights. Even though this is tough, its been tougher on us and we have survived. I just keep reminding myself of that.

Still I can't pretend that I'm not concerned. I really and truly am. Things have changed drastically since yesterday afternoon. Ash was looking great and now she looks not so great. Her breathing is pretty rapid tonight and she sounds a little fluidy(I just made up that word) to me as I sit here and prepare her TPN. We have gone from an almost discharge this morning to not knowing where we are headed. We desperately need for her fluid status to turn around by morning. This is a scary time. We've seen what happens to our sweet baby when it doesn't and I don't want to relive those scenarios again.

My heart is anxious tonight as I take this shift so that Dave can finally get some sleep. I'm praying for God to protect Ash and to put that fluid back were it belongs. Please join me. Goodnight my friends. Trish