A day in the life...

...of a transplant mom.

Its blessed, its burdened.

You are torn in many directions. Each of your children needing, desiring, and deserving you time and attention. But...when the transplanted child gets sick...well, you all know the drill by now.

I'm torn. Concerned. Un decided.

Ashley has an appointment at 11:15 this morning and the desire of transplant and I guess ours as well is to have her admitted for some IV support while she battles this stomach virus yet again. Our hope is for our pediatrician to agree to manage her while she recovers so that we can keep her here in Longview. We won't know if that is going to happen until after he sees her.

So welcome to the life of the transplant mom. Let the juggling begin.

Allie has an activity this afternoon. Soccer camp again tonight. Last night she came home with a broken heart and a determined attitude to not allow mean, hateful girls to keep her from doing what she loves. She resolved that she would rather go and get stronger at soccer and deal with those girls than to allow them to keep her here at home. My intention was to be there on the sidelines supporting my daughter as she showed them a thing or to about her character. I'm torn. As for her friends attending the camp as well... when I asked what they had to say about it all she answered..."what friends" and cried her eyes out. To this Mommy's heart who is having to swallow the tough pill of sending her to public school with these very girls in a few weeks for the first time in her life it broke. I was counting on these so called "friends" to help her adjust. Guess it won't be happening.

Blake is busy preparing for Nationals. We were to leave on Monday for a week long tournament. Staying at the lake with friends for the week and playing ball in the heat of the day, watching him do what he loves most. My heart is broken and torn. I was really looking forward to this next week with him and his friends. Who knows what is going to happen now. I really want to be there to support him...but Ash is sick...again...and that requires my full attention. I just don't know what to do.

I have no idea how the next few days or weeks will play out. Its the life of transplant. Things are fine one day then not fine the next. Some days things are fine one hour and not the next. Up and down. Stress. Emotions. Fear. Worry. Unrest. and above all GRATITUDE for the opportunity to have more time with all my kids. Without this transplant we would be aching to fill the deepest hole you could ever imagine.

If my prayers were answered it would go something like this. Ash wake up in a day or two and be well. Come home. Rest here through next week with daddy and grandma. Blake, Allie and I continue on to Nationals, knowing if I needed to return I could be home in a few hours. Tops. If my prayers were answered.

If they aren't and Ash does not improve then I will be by her side at the hospital waiting, hoping, and praying. All the while do everything I possibly can to keep her as close to home and her family as possible.

Welcome to my world. I'm not alone, there are a few of us transplant moms out there. At least I know I'm in good company. Some of the most amazing people I have ever met happen to be transplant moms who are learning to juggle right along beside me.