Things are changing

Things have definitely been changing around here today. Its not good. Ashleys abdomen is HUGE. She has swollen to an unimaginable size. She is uncomfortable, and struggling to breathe because of all the pressure. Add to that the two intubations in less than 48 hours and we have lungs full of junk. She is coughing up huge amounts of junk that is bright yellow in color. We are unable to sit her up at all. Even inclining the bed causes her such discomfort. Things are changing and its now that the rough stuff begins. As if it hasn't been rough up until this point. Ash is complaining, fussing, yelling, and crying. Even her pain meds can't quiet her. Her heart rate is in the 170's, she's on 4 liters of oxygen, and her respiration's are up in the 60's.

We really needed a quiet night. We really needed some rest. We really needed something to turn around and start to go in the right direction. I guess we didn't need today to be that day. Its going to be a long, long night and my Allison is going to witness it. Its not going to be easy.

In the room next to us a child is dying tonight. The parents are screaming in the hallway in their grief. I can't even imagine being in the place that they are in tonight. I never want to be in that place. My heart hurts so very much. This can't be my life. It can't be.