Focus

I'm working hard at coming back to this place. This place that belonged to us. A precious, beautiful place that recorded the story of our daughter's life.

We've looked at many options. Options that aren't going to work. The only thing that would work is turning off all comments completely. I don't want that. I need you. In the darkest times of our lives you have all been there. Most of you love us. Most of you truly do.

Im trying to focus. Focus on Who matters. The Lord. My husband. My son. My daughters. That is where my focus lies. I've got to keep my eyes on them.

Ashley Kate is very sick. She came very, very close to leaving us in the early morning hours of Friday. She remains on the ventilator. She has been paralyzed for her own safety. Her throat has suffered great injury from the many intubations and extubations of the breathing tube. Yesterday she was taken to the OR to replace the breathing tube once again. For the first time in her life we had to sign consent for a possible tracheotomy to be done. Thank God it did not come to that. They were able to place a larger tube into her throat and it began to give her the amount of assistance she needed.

To say we miss our baby is an understatement. It hurts so much to see her lie so still, so absent, so gone from us. We are in agony as we await the day her precious eyes open, her fragile lungs begin to breathe again, and her spirit returns. Blake and Allie have not seen her yet. It is almost more than Dave and I can handle to watch her be "away" from us. I can't bring them to her yet. Not like this.

The plans for transfer came about on last week before the "event". After the "event" we were all in agreement that we needed to bring her closer to home as soon as possible. There was nothing left for transplant to do. They can't help her again unless the decision is made to place more organs inside of her body. Our time with her is the most valuable thing in our lives. It needs to be spent together. So...we brought her back. I didn't need to publish it. I needed prayers for her, but I did not need another word of criticism. It was our decision. Made with multiple members of her treatment teams. It was the best thing for her and for our family at this time.

I don't know when I will be completely back. I just wanted to let you all know how very much I love you. How very much I appreciate your prayers for us. I am afraid to share our hearts and our hurts again. So afraid. Many, many things are going on at this time and it hurts so much knowing that our safe place to share has been so violated.

Your prayers for our family during these unsure days are treasured gifts. We want nothing more than to have our Ashley back in our home. We miss her terribly. Our home is empty without her.