Each morning around 4am for the last two weeks I have tiptoed into Ashley Kate's room and used the light from her closet to hang her IV meds. I try to be as quiet as possible as I open the packages on the syringes, put on my gloves, and prepare the line. When she starts to stir I whisper to her, "Its ok Ash, its just mommy." The same phrase I've used with her a thousand times as she lay sleeping or trying to sleep in hospital rooms across this country. It seems her whole 6 years of life I have found myself reassuring her that everything was going to be ok.
Each morning she opens her beautiful eyes to peek and make sure "its just mommy" and then as she closes them again she signs to me this one word..."home"...and then I say to her, "Yes, sweet girl you are home." I watch her turn her little self to the side, snuggle underneath her quilts, and then tuck her tiny hands underneath her cheek as I finish connecting her to her meds.
Before I leave the room, as her eyes stay tightly closed and just before I turn out the closet light she signs to me, "listen". I begin her CD and listen to make sure the music softly plays before returning to my own room again.
In one short hour I will return to her room to take down the antibiotic and flush her central line. Again, she will open her eyes to peek at me, then she will sign "home". I will repeat my reassurance to my beautiful girl that she is in fact still home, in her bed, in her room.
I don't know why this exact exchange takes place every night. Maybe she likes to hear those words, "you are home". In her sleepy state perhaps she just needs to be reminded. Perhaps she is reminding me. Either way I feel a smile come across my face every single time. Its one of the sweetest moments of my entire day, and as I lay my head down on the pillow for that short hour I find myself thanking the Father that we are indeed home.
Oh, how I LOVE this little girl!