Managing

Its tough to look at Ashley Kate as she plays on her Ipad, giggles uncontrollably, and controls the house this morning and remind myself that she is in fact quite sick.

I'm fielding phone calls from every direction, making decisions based on the combination of presentation and lab results, and doing the best I can.  Its overwhelming to be told how sick she's supposed to be.  I'm looking at her, caring for her, observing her and there are no signs of illness, but inside her veins lie the truth behind what everyone is saying today.  Her blood give us huge clues as to what damage has been done.

Ash is having some renal issues due to the vancomycin levels in her blood stream.  With such low hemoglobin and the dose of antibiotic prescribed it seems to have done some damage to her kidneys.  We are seeing small improvements in most areas, but one has not responded.  The vanc has been stopped.  Actually there are no antibiotics running to kill this infection at this time. I'm waiting to hear what they want running.  Obviously there is no vanc running.  The second antibiotic is a partner to be run in combination with vanc and the bug as of last night has shown no sensitivity to it.  So...we aren't doing anything but giggling, playing, and laughing.

What do you do in a situation like this?  I mean we could sit in a hospital room and wait for decisions and answers and observations to be made...or we could sit at home and play and do all those same things.  She was in the hospital last night and I kid you not the statement made was this," She looks better than I have ever seen her!"  Made by none other than her physician.

I'm doing my best to manage all the emotions that come with all the worst case scenario scenes I've been given an not allow them to play through my mind.  We could always live in fear of those stupid scenarios or we can choose to keep on living.  Today I'm choosing to let her keep on living.  Seriously, she wants to know what all this fuss is about.